My grandfather has the heart of a lion... And a lifetime ban from the zoo.
Two hunters were walking through the forest one day. All of the sudden, one of them passes out. The other hunter panics and dials 911. The emergency responder says “911, whats your emergency?” The hunter replies “My friend just passed out and I don’t know what to do! I think he might be dead!” The emergency responder replies “Before you do anything, make sure he is dead.” The phone goes silent and then the responder hears a gunshot. The hunter gets back on the phone and says “Ok, now what?”
In school, we learned that squirrels stick their nuts in trees. So, just like my uncle dave...
Did you hear about the cheetah who robbed a bank? He ran away so fast he almost got away with it, but he was spotted.
Why can't college students take exams at the zoo? -- Too many cheetahs!
Three guy are in the woods, a a really smart guy, an average, and a really dumb guy, they bored so the smart guy decides to go hunting a little while later he comes back with a dear, the average guy asks how do did you do that? The really smart guy says says I see dear tracks I fallow dear tracks, I see dear I shoot dear. The average guy say I think I understand and leaves, an little bit later he comes back with a raccoon. The really dumb goes *gasp* how did you do that!?. And the average looks at him funny and says well I see raccoon tracks I fallow raccoon tracks, I see raccoon I shoot raccoon. The super dumb guy thinks for a second and says Oooohh, ok I thiNo I can do that.. and leaves. Hours pass and and the guy finally returns, hurt, bloody, and horribly mingled. They run to help him. Finally one of the guys ask him what happened this is what he said: I see train tracks, I fallow train tracks. I see train I shoot train. But train keep coming.
two men are hunting. one asks: did you ever hunt bear? the other one answers: no, but one time i went fishing in my shorts
A cow went into a pride of lion’s territory?
Since that moment he knew his life was on stake
Why don’t cheetahs get married? They always cheat on each other
Why did the lion always lose at poker?
He was playing with a bunch of cheetahs.
Why do you never play a game of cards in the jungle?- cause there are cheetahs!!
Why did the tiger loose at poker? Answer: Because he was playing with a cheetah.
How does the zebra cross the road . The zebra crossing
Why is there no gambling in Africa?
Too many Cheetahs.
One time I saw a manatee all spray painted to look like a tiger. Needless to say, the first thing I yelled was, "OH! THE HUMANATEE!"
So a bear and a rabbit are in field, the bear turns to the rabbit and asks, "does your poop stick to your fur?" And the rabbit replied, "no" and the bear then picks up the rabbit and wipes his butt.
One day, someone goes out into the forest to go hunting, and finds out there are a few others in the forest. He comes back the next day to learn he is the only person there. Where are the others?
They're in his freezer.
What’s the difference between a aligator and a child?
You can’t abuse a aligator
The worst thing about an owl is how they can maintain eye contact when you put them in a microwave
My dad has the heart of a lion, and a lifetime ban from the zoo.
