Monkey jokes

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

One day a cow ate a fish.

What came out the other side?

A dead fish.

What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.

How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.

How to become a monkey?

Put a red dot on your forehead.

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

BaBOOM!

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

We’ve got to celebrate our differences! 👻🤝🐵🤝🍚🤝🌮🤝💣🤝🏳️‍🌈🤝🍔🤝🥖🤝🍕

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

It was wrong on so many levels.

Never search up "monkey with blue balls."

Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!

Did you know that Helen Keller had a pet monkey?

No.

Neither did she.

What key opens a banana?

A monkey.

I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...

Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!

Monkey monkey monkey monkey.

What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?

A Kongregation.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.