Monkey jokes

Why would you leave a damn gorilla out in the middle of the parking lot after you let the zookeeper bring a chimpanzee home from the zoo because me and the gorilla had too much to drink?

One day a cow ate a fish.

What came out the other side?

A dead fish.

What is monkey's favorite position? Donkey Kong.

How do you open a banana? Answer with a mon-key.

How to become a monkey?

Put a red dot on your forehead.

Monkey: What ya doing?

Other monkey: Just you know, "hanging around."

Bad joke, right? I just can't think of something amazing. It's like my brain is "hanging."

What do you call a monkey in a mine field?

BaBOOM!

I have some black friends who hate it when I say the N-word around them, so I got a pet monkey.

We’ve got to celebrate our differences! 👻🤝🐵🤝🍚🤝🌮🤝💣🤝🏳️‍🌈🤝🍔🤝🥖🤝🍕

If you are a banana, why don't you eat a banana?

Oh right, you'd be a cannibal. I mean a banan-i-ball.

I had a threesome on an elevator with a monkey and my underage, deaf, & mentally challenged sister...

It was wrong on so many levels.

I learned that humans eat more bananas than monkeys...

Huh, I don’t recall ever eating a monkey!

Did you know that Helen Keller had a pet monkey?

No.

Neither did she.

Why can’t monkeys play in the jungle? Because there are too many cheetahs!

Never search up "monkey with blue balls."

What key opens a banana?

A monkey.

Monkey monkey monkey monkey.

I am so disappointed in this race.

Brown skinned street shitters, goddamn, the lowest of the low southeast Asians, lazy monkey pig-dog duck fetus eating rice brainlets always on their phones, no IQ, ugly, uncivilized untermensch subhumans.

What do you call a group of people who are interested in Nintendo monkeys?

A Kongregation.

One time, I worked at the zoo and I was feeding the monkeys.

And one of them μяɨɲąţ€ď on me.

And I went to the hospital and got a bloody nose the next day.