Money

Money jokes

Approximation

    • The nearest approximation to a perpetuum mobile would be a Swabian chasing a Scot because of money.

    (Swabians are the Scots of Germany regarding finances.)

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    • Money memes

    Cancer

    • Doctor: I'm sorry, but your surgery will cost a lot of money.

    Buuuuut what's this behind your ear?

    Oh, it's still cancer.

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    • Mama

    • Yo mama is so short, Minions look down at her.

    Yo mama is so fat that she volunteered for the Hunger Games 'cause she thought it was an eating competition.

    Yo mama is so ugly when Santa Claus saw her, he yelled "Ho Ho Holy Sh*t!"

    Yo mama is so old, when she walked into an antique store, they didn't let her leave.

    Yo mama is so stupid, she sold her car for gas money.

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    • Momma

    • Yo momma decided to go to KFC until she realized she had to share with her family, so she bought ten buckets and the cashier said, "Here is the receipt." Now yo momma got afraid of how much money she had to spend, despiting on how she spent more than Drake's net worth that he can even lend. She went back home seeing her family looking at her and the KFC, thinking that could be her rent, but the whole family dug into the food. By the second they see the plates empty and seeing the lazy mom steady, she ate so much she wasn't ready until she fell, which caused an earthquake, which made her go to jail, which caused her to be scary.

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    • Stuff

    • The Good Old Days.

    You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

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    • Aunt

    • Aunt: On the internet, buying weight loss pills for 15 dollars.

    Niece: I found that show on Netflix that you wanted to watch. It's 3 dollars to watch.

    Aunt: I'm not paying for that shit.

    Niece: Yet you sit there and buy weight loss pills.

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    • Woman

    • How do you know if a woman that is poor who is between 18-24 years old is poor enough to do anything for money to help pay her bills? She would be working as a lesbian prostitute inside a lesbian hotel in San Francisco, CA.

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    • Angel

    • A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.

    The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.

    He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.

    When he died, the Angel came back for him.

    "But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.

    "Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."

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    • Poem

    • I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.

    'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!

    Like I said, it's really bad. :(

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    • Cent

    • If I had kept all my two cents to myself, I'd have enough money to publish my own newspaper now.