Money jokes

Where do polar bears keep their money?

In a snowbank!

"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."

Ok.

"Thank you, what is your wish?"

I wish for my 5 cents back.

Why did the Jew get an electric car?

Because he was afraid of the gas.

I'm not saying I'm ugly...

But when I'm watching porn, the hot, sexy women in my area always pop up and ask me if I'm rich.

I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.

Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.

One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!

I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.

Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?

Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A Democrat will keep screwing you when you run out of money.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

What would a heterosexual woman that is a whore do for $500.00 that a gay man would be willing to do for free for a heterosexual man at a glory hole?

Suck his big cock.

Time for a Terraria joke.

What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?

A gold digger.

(play the game or watch some vids to understand)

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

I charge 50 bucks a suck.

Why did the credit card go to jail?

'Cuz it was guilty as charged!

What do you call a gold digger?

A miner.