Money

Money jokes

Wallet

    • A: She looks good when she opens her hair. 😮

    B: You will look good when you open your wallet. 👛

  • 5
    • Money memes

    Asian

    • What's the last thing Asians hear from their parents?

    "My money is my money. Your money is my money. Your wife's money is my money. Always remember that, son."

  • 2

    • Hot Dog

    • Two homeless alcoholics want to get drunk but don't have enough money for even the cheapest drinks in any bar. So one of them devises a clever plan: he tells his friend, "We should buy a hot-dog sausage with the last of our money and stick it down my pants, then drink a load of drinks. But then when the bill comes, you get down and suck on the hot-dog, and it'll look like you're sucking on my dick. So then we'll get thrown out without paying, and we can just go to another bar and do the same thing again."

    His friend agrees, so they buy the hot-dog, stick it down the first dude's pants, go to the bar, and then the second dude begins to suck on the hot-dog as agreed. They are thrown out and hit another four bars this way. In the end, as they lie drunk on the floor in some alleyway, the second guy says, "Well, what a great night. Free beers in five different bars!" The first guy says, "Yeah! Especially since the hot-dog fell out before we even reached the first bar!"

  • 11

    • Bank robbery

    • A man with a gun goes into a bank and demands money.

    Once he is given the money, he turns to a customer and asks, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

    The man replied, "Yes sir, I did."

    The robber shot him in the head, killing him instantly.

    He then turned to a couple standing next to him and asked the man, "Did you see me rob this bank?"

    The man replied, "No sir, I didn't, but my wife did!"

  • 8

    • Hitman

    • A man finds out his wife is cheating on him with his best friend, so he hires a hitman to shoot his wife in the head, and his friend in the balls. The hitman charges $100 per bullet. The man agrees.

    Later, they set up, and the hitman looks through the scope and says, “I can save you $100!”

  • 2

    • Difference

    • What's the difference between Rorochan and skydivers?

    One does it for the cash, the other for the views.

    Mom

    • Me and my mom order Chinese food. So when it came, my mom grabbed the egg roll and started to suck it down. Then I ask my mom what are you doing. Then my mom says, "I love you for 5 dollar."

    Bank

    • Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

    Because they are really good at saving.

  • 0

    • Kid

    • So I saw a 15 year old kid near a 15 year old girl checking her out.

    Then I told him, "What are you doing?"

    He told me he will decorate her locker, donate a lot of money to her, and buy her a lot of stuff.

    He then told me how easy would that be?

    I told him: "That sounds pretty SIMPle."

    Drug

    • I see a poor guy. Mini me be like- mama, can I give my spare money to him? 🤗 And my mum says yes, so I give my money and home feeling SO NICE, while MY MOM knows he's going to spend it on DRUGS. We go back tomorrow and then after we go to the same place and then I see him with drugs.

    Me- what I think fck what I do 😭.

  • 1

    • Bill

    • Yoo! I found a $100 bill, found a child who said they lost their $100 bill. Gave them $25.

    When God gives you glory, you give it back.

  • 2

    • Incest

    • While an unsuspecting father's at the office making money, this 18 year old son will spend his day in mother's cunny.

    We're at the breakfast table, father eats and takes his calls, he doesn't know my mother's toes are kneading at my balls.

  • 2