Money jokes
You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.
Teacher: “If you got ten dollars from ten people, what would you have?”
Johnny: “A new bike!”
What did the orphan poker player say to the elder?
“Will you raise me?”
Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?
Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?
Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?
I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.
What makes a raccoon 🦝 very rich?
Its rings!
This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.
Where do polar bears keep their money?
In a snowbank!
Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.
"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."
Ok.
"Thank you, what is your wish?"
I wish for my 5 cents back.
Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.
Your wife dumped you because you are so poor and you are so ugly. You also live under a rock and have no money. You got dumped so hard you can't remember you got dumped.
One dollar bill is with a five dollar bill. The five says, "I make more cents than you."
I asked a man for ten dollars for a cup of coffee. The man said coffee was only a quarter. I told him I was putting all my begs in one ask-it.
Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?
Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.
Why did the football coach go to the bank?
To get his quarterback!
I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.
What's the difference between a prostitute and a Democrat? A prostitute will stop screwing you when you run out of money.