Money jokes

So, there is this button. There's a 50% chance you get a million dollars. There's a 50% chance that you turn into a turtle. Make them press the button, and if they give the money, you just push the orphan over, take their money, and run away because who are they going to tell? Their parents?

I was walking to the store, and then this boy told me, "I'm an orphan and I have no money." He wanted M\&Ms. I gave him a family-sized bag.

Boy: Hello, Mom, can I have $50?

Mom: Does it look like I am made of money?

Boy: That's what M.O.M. means, right?

What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?

5 dollar footlongs.

When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

This is true. Today I was at the mall and there was a guy holding a sign that said, "Need money for strippers and weed."

Where do polar bears keep their money?

In a snowbank!

You're so short that you use a ladder to reach a dime.

Why did the football coach go to the bank?

To get his quarterback!

Zozo went to the store and walked out with nothing, why?

Zozo the hobo is a hobo, remember? He doesn’t have any money.

Yo' mama is so stupid, she put a quarter in a parking meter and waited for her gumball.

"Give me 5 cents and I’ll grant you a wish."

Ok.

"Thank you, what is your wish?"

I wish for my 5 cents back.

I once went to the bank with some raisins because I wanted to set up a current account.

Lucifer's so broke he can't even afford air conditioning units.

A man walks into a bar and sees a jar full of money, and he asks the bartender what's up with that jar of money.

Bartender says you gotta do 3 tasks. He takes the shot of Jack, and the customer says, "What are the tasks?" He says, "The 1st one is, well the 1st 1 is, I got about a 12' gator in the back that's got a bad tooth, and you gotta pull it." He says, "All right, what's the 2nd 1?" He said, "I got a big old girl upstairs that ain't had no loving in a long time, you gotta make her smile." He takes another shot of Jack. He said, "All right, what's the 3rd 1?" He said, "You see that horse outside, you gotta make him laugh and cry."

Guy goes upstairs, goes out back, comes out to the front, comes back in. The other customer said, "Give him the jar." The guy says, "I took care of that lady's tooth, and I made that alligator smile."

"Well how'd you make the horse laugh?" he said. "Easy, I told him I had a bigger deck then him."

Bartender says, "How did you make him cry?" He said, "Easy, I showed him."

Why can orphans get away with robbing the bank?

Because no one wants him.

What would a heterosexual woman that is a whore do for $500.00 that a gay man would be willing to do for free for a heterosexual man at a glory hole?

Suck his big cock.

Time for a Terraria joke.

What is a worm called when it is with a rich worm for his money?

A gold digger.

(play the game or watch some vids to understand)

One day there was a guy who robbed a bank. A customer at the bank while it happened got the police. Who was that? The police said......

It’s a wood hulem.

Why did the credit card go to jail?

'Cuz it was guilty as charged!