Money

Money jokes

Kid

    • A kid named Billy gets his lunch money stolen at school. The bully later gets his allowance, the lunch money, and his wallet taken by his father.

    The father then gets all the money taken from him by the bully’s grandfather along with his own wallet. The grandfather then takes the money and gets it stolen by Billy along with his own wallet.

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    • Democrat

    • What is the difference between a male prostitute who is a Democrat and a male prostitute who is a Republican?

    When Republicans perform fellatio for money, it is called prostitution, but when Democrats perform fellatio for money, it is called a donation to their political campaign.

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    • Ex

    • When you're so rich that you can buy anything, you end up getting a cow in your living room. Yeah, anyways, my ex is still in my living room.

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    • Wife

    • My wife got mad at me because I took our life savings and brought golden retrievers.

    Like, bitch, we can get gold because of these golden retrievers.

    Tooth

    • A blind old guy asked me if I had any money to spare. I laughed and said I had a gold tooth.

    I don't have any now.

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    • Money memes

    Baby

    • I try and try every day, but 5 keep coming out. There's so money at this point my walls are built of babies.

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    • Stuff

    • The Good Old Days.

    You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

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    • Orphan

    • A man sees a small boy begging for money. He walks up to him and asks him if he is an orphan.

    The boy asks, "What gave me away?"

    The man responds, "Your parents."

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    • Redneck

    • A guy was on trial for murder, and if convicted, would get the electric chair. His brother found out that a redneck was on the jury and figured he would be the one to bribe. He told the redneck that he would be paid $10,000 if he could convince the rest of the jury to reduce the charge to manslaughter.

    The jury was out an entire week and returned with a verdict of manslaughter.

    After the trial, the brother went to the redneck's house, told him what a great job he had done, and paid him the $10,000.

    The redneck replied that it wasn't easy to convince the rest of the jury to change the charge to manslaughter. They all thought he was not guilty and wanted to let him go.

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    • Depression

    • When my mom asks, "If your friend pays you to jump off a bridge, would you do it?" I say, "No, Mom... I'd do it for free!"

    Mexican

    • The Trump cocktail. Take a large glass and fill it with an ounce of everything behind the bar. Top it with whipped cream and a cherry. Now for the hard part: finding a Mexican to pay for it.

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