"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
I got a sister.
That was a big mistake.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?
How it be when the new guy takes too long...
Hay Danny, it's me Johnny.
Johnny: Boss says to kill the guy in red. Point the gun at his head.
Danny: Ok, target locked. 3... 2... 1... bang.
Johnny: Danny, hope you did not get the man in red.
Danny: OH MY BRO FOR REALL.
I told my husband he should embrace his mistakes.
He hugged me!
I was hunting at night for deer, and then I found one and shot it. I realized the deer I shot was actually my ex...
I wish I knew life, but my dad said it was a mistake to begin with.
It's not a mistake, it's a ✨ masterpiece ✨.
I had a disability where I kept pronouncing my "g" as an "r", so one day, I said I liked grapes. Of course, I pronounced it "I like rapes." I was kicked out of preschool.
"Joe momma" is called that because it means "you're a mistake."
Why were the Twin Towers angry?
They ordered pepperoni, but they only got plane.
A kid asks his dad why his name is Experience. The dad says, "That's what we give our mistakes."
You know that feeling when you're going through a school parking lot and go over a speed bump, then you realize that there are no speed bumps?
Everyone makes mistakes. Just ask your parents.
If mistakes make people human, then your parents must have been alligators before you were born.
