Mistake jokes
I would like to thank my favorite President Barack Obama. Sorry, Barack Obama and my uncle Obama bin Laden. I mean Osama bin Laden. Sorry, hummus in my throat.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
Why did the sperm cross the road?
Because I put the wrong socks on this morning.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”
The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”
The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”
When you ask your mom for candy but you grab from the wrong drawer…
Little Johnny is watching his dad shave one morning, and his dad was making a lot of mistakes. Suddenly, his dad screams, "Bitches and asses!" Johnny asks what it meant, and his dad replied, "Aunts and uncles." Oh.
Next thing he hears is, “Dicks and pussies!” Johnny asks, "What's that mean?" To which his dad replied, "Uh, coats and hats." Oh. Next thing he knows, he sees his dad jumping around the bathroom yelling, "Fucking, fuck, fuck, FUCK!" "What does that mean, Dad?" And his dad yells, "Cut Johnny, it means cut!!!" Oh.
Next week is Thanksgiving, and the doorbell rings. Johnny answers it and says, "Hey, bitches and asses, hang your dicks and pussies here, Dad's in the kitchen fucking the turkey."
It's a grave mistake to talk badly about the death.
My mom said, "Why did I adopt you?"
I said, "Because the other three were mistakes."
Don't mistake my silence for weakness. No one plans a murder out loud.
"Want to hear a joke about pizza? Never mind, it is too cheesy."
"YOU MORON ITS *TOO* not TO, IM GOING TO EAT YOU ALIVE AND RIP OUT YOUR PROSTATE"
Guys, don’t put the Holocaust books in the fiction section, it was the worst mistake of my life!
Today was the worst day ever. My ex got ran over by a bus, and I lost my job as a bus driver.
When someone says: "You're a mistake."
Say: "The only mistake I see is right in front of me."
Everyone makes mistakes. Like my mom, she made a mistake 13 years ago.
I got a sister.
That was a big mistake.
Little Johnny walked into his house. He heard a banging sound from up above and decided to investigate. He opened the door to his parents' room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door. He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.
Don't let mistakes drag you down. My dad made one mistake, but it ended up fulfilling the 5-year plan of heat energy generation in less than a millisecond.
When God created mankind, he said, "Damn it! One is off color, the other yellowish. The last one is burnt!"
Did you know an eraser on a pencil slowly dies from your mistakes?
And did you know you're actually supposed to live for 25 minutes, but every time you breathe, it resets time?