Pronunciation jokes

What do you call a Chinese man with one leg? "Tie won shu."

What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an orphan?

An orphan is more capable of speaking clearly.

My mum once told me, "How do you spell Mississippi?" and I said, "Misisipi." But she said, "No, it goes mi-ss-i-ss-pp-i," and I laughed when she said "pp." Then she said, "Why are you laughing?" I tried saying, "You said pp," but I was laughing too hard.

Read this slow: I 1 2 4 Q?

What's the difference between saying "bloody" in America and in the U.K.?

In the U.K., it's a swear word.

In America, it's a family reunion.

Say "invented" without the first "n".

Spell "I cup." It's funny.

Spell Mississippi.

M-I-S-S-I-P-P~

Haha you said pp.

How do you say "Brazier" in German?

Stop 'em from floppin' (German accent)

GOTTVERDAMMT, Hans! I said, "Glass of juice," not "Gas the Jews!"

Say "ocean" 5 times and you say "oh shit!"

Spell "I cup..." "I see you pee!"

Funny how "Hawking" rhymes with "talking" and "walking," and he can't do either.

And the first four letters of his Christian name spell "step," and he also can't do that.

How to harass? Say it out loud but slowly. Split that word into, and it sounds like "her ass."

How do you stun a Scotsman?

Ask them to say "purple burglar alarm".

What has two wings and an arrow?

A Chinese telephone. "Wing Wing Arrow!"

Say "lettuce" and spell "cup."

Why can't you hear a pterodactyl pee? Because the "p" is silent.

"Spell ICUP."

Uranus is pronounced "ur anus."