I asked my wife to embrace her mistakes.
She gave me a hug.
I was walking down the street when I saw my ex-girlfriend, so I fucked her. Turns out it was her identical twins that she never told me about.
And I decided to confront her. So I did the next time I saw her, but this time it was her identical triplet. There are 3 of them...
AND SHE NEVER BROUGHT THAT UP IN THE 7 YEARS I WAS DATING HER!
Jack and Jill went up the hill to smoke some marihuana, Jack got high and slapped his thigh and said you know you wanna, Jill said yes picked up her dress and said lets have some fun, silly ole Jill forgot her pill and know they have a son.
"I know that everyone is allowed to act stupid once in a while, but you’re really abusing that privilege."
My wife (or husband) told me to get six cans of Sprite from the grocery store.
I had just realized when I got home that I had picked up 7-Up.
what does an orphanage and a hospital have in common?
people go there to fix their mistakes.
Two wrongs don't make a right. Take your parents as an example.
I am never wrong. One time I thought I was wrong, but I was mistaken.
They say mistakes make you stronger. If that were true, then whoever made that nonexistent thing called “women's rights” would have muscles bigger than a white girl.
Mom asks, "Who are you talking to?"
The child said, "A mistake."
Don't turn the toaster sideways, worst mistake of my life.
Michael Jackson died of shock when he found out Boys II Men wasn't a delivery service.
If I missed something, I'll give it to you. If you taked it, you are a mistake.
The Ruler of Varvona wanted a fruitcake, but his subjects showed up at his castle with a Christian instead.
And he said: "NO, NO, NO! YOU IMBECILES! NOT THAT KIND OF FRUITCAKE!"
Did you know that Stephen Hawking's death was an accident because he pressed "shut down" instead of "sleep mode?"
What mistake did the manager of the Twin Towers make?
He replaced all the window cleaners with 2 commercial jets.
Suicide is just freedom, life is just full of pain... Sometimes if you're gone maybe somebody might notice. Feels like life is a maze and the only way to leave is the exit. Nobody notices your pain, your suffering, and that you try your best though everyone notices your mistakes. Life just feels like everyone hates you. Life for me is just faking smiles, I'm not sure how everyone lives such a good life.
Your hairline is so long they mistake your forehead for a football field.
I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.
I was horrified when my wife told me that my six-year-old son wasn't actually mine. Apparently, I need to pay more attention during school pick-up.
