Medicine jokes
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
What is the difference between a priest and anesthesia?
The anesthesia takes a while to put you under.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
If you have an overdose on a drug and die, then half of the least dose would be a lifetime supply.
I don’t call it special ED, I call it mixed vegetables.
What happened to the leper when he accidentally walked into the screen door?
He strained himself.
My doctor said I could have up to 20 units a week. But now I've eaten half of my kitchen.
Why was the director injured?
He couldn't find the right cast!
Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.
John pretended to be a doctor.
Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."
John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"
Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."
John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"
Motu said, "I lost my memory."
John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"
What's the difference between a surgeon and God?
God knows he's not a surgeon.
I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.
I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.
Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.