Medicine jokes

What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?

Strong to the finish.

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics.

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.

The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.

If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

A baby playing with a scalpel.

I was diagnosed with a terminal disease. The doctor says my days are numbered.

Now I'm terrified of airports.

Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."

I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.