Medicine jokes

In life, some people have it harder than others.

That's why Viagra exists.

Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.

Why are there no chemists in Africa?

Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.

A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”

“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”

Friend: Hi!

Me: Who are you?

Friend: ...your friend?

Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.

It's all fun and games until they start dancing.

I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.

Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?

Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.

When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.

I said that I have been ill.

What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?

A baby playing with a scalpel.

What do dentists call their x-rays?

Tooth pics.

If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.

What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?

Why are quadriplegics so unsympathetic? Because they only have feeling in 10% of their body.

John pretended to be a doctor.

Motu came to him. He said, "I lost my hunger."

John brought some samosas for his lunch. Motu ate them. John said, "Your hunger is back!"

Then, Motu said, "I lost my taste."

John said, "Number 1, bring some water." Motu drank it and said, "This is petrol!" John said, "Your taste is back!"

Motu said, "I lost my memory."

John said, "Number 1, bring some medicine." Motu said, "But Number 1 brought water." John said, "Your memory is back!"

What's the difference between a surgeon and God?

God knows he's not a surgeon.

I'd make a joke about corn, but it's too corny.

Then again, I could make a joke about eyes, but that would be even cornea. My funny bone is broken. I guess it was because those jokes were too humerus.

I get knocked down, but I get up again, as long as I have 46 chromosomes.

What do you call a person whose Lymphoma keeps recurring?

A Lymphomaniac.

My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"

He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.