Medicine jokes
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth pics.
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
Memes
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.
I got evicted from the hospital today for telling all the patients to stay positive!
What a negative effect!
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
What happens when you have a bladder infection? You're in trouble!
Q: What is the worst thing to hear your surgeon say?
A: Oops, I dropped my lollipop!
POV: You accidentally get H in your IV drip.
What is small, red, and sitting in the corner?
A baby playing with a scalpel.