Medicine jokes
Friend: Hi!
Me: Who are you?
Friend: ...your friend?
Me: What are you talking about? The doctor already said I couldn’t have any.
Why was the North Tower a bad doctor when the South Tower collapsed?
Because the North Tower didn’t do CPR.
It's all fun and games until they start dancing.
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
I know a lot of people hate tapeworms, but they will always have a special place in my heart.
When you ask for plastic surgery, they said, "We could not fix you, but the only way is to wear a mask to fix your ugly face."
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
When I went to see the doctor, he remarked that he hadn't seen me in a while.
I said that I have been ill.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
What's the difference between a blowjob and cough syrup?
They can both give you relief and make you gag at the same time.
If Bruce Willis (the guy in the Christmas movie Die Hard) dies of a Viagra overdose, would that mean he truly dies hard?