Medicine jokes
Why are there no chemists in Africa?
Because you can’t take tablets on an empty stomach.
What is better to have, autism, Down syndrome, or ADHD?
Did you know your pupils are the last part to stop working when you die? They dilate.
A panic-stricken man explained to his doctor, “You have to help me, I think I’m shrinking.”
“Now settle down,” the doctor calmly told him. “You'll just have to learn to be a little patient.”
If laughter is contagious, LEO is immune.
Memes
The only doctor you have is Doctor Pepper.
What is a similarity between priests and doctors?
They both have fetishes for their professions.
Doctor: I’m going to have to turn you away.
Orphan: But why?
Doctor: Because I’m a family doctor.
Me explaining to the school nurse that ice can't cure everything.
Nurse: hOW DaRe yOu OpPosE mE mORtAl!
A doctor walks into his office and looks his patient in the eyes, "Sir, you have to stop jerking off."
The man asks, "Why?"
The doctor then says, "Because I'm trying to examine you."
Why can't Oregon go to the doctor?
Because they need parents' signature.
"Hi, this is Pete's pizzeria and abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce."
You know what I like most about people with Parkinson's... Their handshake!
I tell my therapist I’m scared of the 3rd, 9th, and 15th letter of the alphabet.
Doctor: Oh, I see.
Me: Ahhhh!!!!!
Why do-- wait, what am I saying? What am I talking about?
What does this website with its comments and a cult have in common?
We have a case of Witzelsucht.
We thought that my mother died in the best way possible, during her sleep.
But when we did an autopsy on her, we saw she actually died in the worst way possible. During the autopsy.
I've recently been treated with Asthma and have been prescribed penicillin. One day I was taking it and a man screaming "SUIII" came into the room and stole it! He thought the penicillin would give him penalties. I couldn't breathe, shame on you Penaldo for ruining my life!
If I was God, my parents would be anesthetists.
Went to the doctor, told him I've been having dreams, first about a wigwam, then about a teepee. He said I was too tense.