Medicine jokes
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
What did the hematologist say when his Canadian patient wrote that he's blood type "eh"? "Ah, probably just go with blood typo!"
What can you do if you can't bear sharing the same blood as your father who raped you?
Have a blood transfusion.
Memes
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
Why is it always cold in the hospital?
To keep the vegetables fresh.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.
Don't say "stay positive" to the wrong doctor.
What part in the body does an adult not need but actually needs to live?
A KIDNey!
Meat stands for: M - monitoring, E - evaluating, A - assessing/addressing, T - treatment.
So when you're shoving meat up people's asses, then you're monitoring them, evaluating them, assessing them, and treating them.
What do doctors say to patients who blow wind backwards?
DON'T PUT THE FART BEFORE THE FORCE!!
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.