Medicine jokes
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
My boss doctor said that we are getting a surgeon coming in tomorrow. I'm super excited to work with him. The next day, we had to do our first-ever open heart surgery, so me and the surgeon spent many hours on this patient. We finished the surgery and went outside for a smoke, and we were talking. I said, "Why did you keep the patient's blood on your glove?"
He replied, "We in my free time I test it for anything diseases, HIV." The next day, I got invited to his house, and we had some drinks. I said, "This is amazing red tea. What is in it?" Just the 2000 people you have cut open.
What are the four letters you don't want to hear from a dentist?
I C D K
Woman: Doctor, doctor, I've been raped.
Doctor: Sex is good for you!
Imagine this scenario: a doctor walks in and tells the patient that he has all the illnesses in the world like this: "You have depression, diarrhea, cancer,... etc." and then the last one on the list is that he is deaf.
))))))))
What do people with cancer always want to watch?
"Finding Chemo."
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
"What do you give a man that has everything? Penicillin."
It’s important to establish a good vocabulary.
If I had known the difference between the words “antidote” and “anecdote,” one of my best friends would still be alive.
"Did you hear about the guy who got the left side of his body amputated? He’s all right now."
I work on medicine; my job is to smell it to see if it's bad :)
What do you call a Black man having a seizure?
Chocolate shake.
What do you call it when someone fucks shoe inserts?
Orthopediphilia.
I would tell you an abortion joke, but it was only temporary.
What do you call a doctor that's a skeleton?
Doctor Bones.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
Patient: Where are you taking me, doctor?
Doctor: The morgue.
Patient: Hang on! I'm not dead yet!
Doctor: And we're not there yet!
Patient: Doctor, every time I look in a mirror, I feel ill, as if I'm about to throw up. What's wrong with me?
Doctor: I don't know, but your eyesight is perfect.
My doctor gave me one year to live, so I shot him. The judge gave me 15. Problem solved!
Why did he go to the chiropractors?
To get his spine fixed.