My hemorrhoids are so bad, I’ve had toilet bowls that looked like abortions.
What's the best thing about stage 4 cancer... no stage 5.
Your hairline is so bad man, I gave your doctor a breathalyzer.
Regular depressed person: I'm depressed, so I'll go see a therapist.
Me: I'm depressed, so I won't do anything about it, work on many projects at the same time, destroying my sanity slowly while relying on caffeine and pills as my only way to take down my headaches, and making memes about it online to help myself cope with the pain.
A father awaits the birth of his first child.
The obstetrician says, "Unfortunately, he has no arms."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
But the obstetrician adds, "It is also without legs, trunk, head."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
Then the obstetrician confessed to him, "I'm sorry, but only this ear was born."
The father says, "I'll love it all the same."
And the obstetrician says, "Talk to him closer: he's deaf!"
You hear about the Roman numeral hospital?
All they have is IVs!
Whenever the hungry cannibal performs amputations, he says,
"Thank you for your donation!"
Cancer is so easy to beat. I'm already at stage four!
"Jack and Jill went home because he was sick because of the virus in town, gave him a frown, and his arms were pricked."
My sister got in a car crash a couple days ago. When she got to the hospital, the doctor told her that she needed to get metal mechanics in her leg.
She got really scared and yelled at the doctor, telling them that, “I will not get those implanted in my leg.” I guess she just doesn’t associate with knee gears.
Why do pills work?
Because they are white.
A lady sees a doctor about a tummy ache. After her check up, the Doctor said, “Looks like you’ll be needing nappies in about 9 months time.”
The lady asks, “Am I pregnant?” To which the Doctor replied, “No, you’ve got bowel cancer.”
Why doesn't Africa have pharmacies?
Because you can't take drugs on an empty stomach.
A man once went to a doctor because his leg was turning blue.
The doctor said that his leg had to be amputated as it was getting poisonous.
The man then got plastic prosthetics.
Next day even the prosthetics started turning blue.
After much examination, the doctor found that the patient's pants were shedding color.
How do you stop constipation?
You scare the crap outta them.
(Crap is another word for poop.)
Lung story short... ahqhahahah!
Why did the shark fisherman stop at the abortion clinic?
Because dead babies make the best chum! :)
What was the doctor's diagnosis on a dinosaur with a low sex drive? Teraerectile dysfunction.
Did you hear they found a cure for autism? It's called Zyklon B.
Light it up blue 🔵
He died because of a fuck up by the Hospital. Apparently, the doctor said to the nurse, "You can discharge Mr. Hawking now," so she went to his room and pulled the plug out of his computer.
