Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
Do this on a calculator.
There was this girl who was (13) but she wanted to be (84) but she was (45) but the doctor said (0). He said take these tablets (2x) a day, but she took them (4x) a day, and she ended up boobless.
The best part about being a medical student is, you will never run out of jokes.
Know why they call gonorrhea gonorrhea?
'Cause once you have it, everyone is gone.
Why do people consume "Laxatives"?
Answer: So that they can take a "Shit", STUPID!
"Cancer gives you weed. It’s not healthy."
My wife is pregnant with a 3-year-old, so I gave her medicine, but now she’s pregnant with a 5-year-old.
I used to be a doctor, until a girl came in to get a kidney transplant, but I had to give her anal resizing surgery first.
Cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer cancer.
What goes in and out and saves your life but is not sexual?
Diabetes.
What is better, autism or Down syndrome?
Well, I was gonna make a joke about drunk people, but that would be good for the health.
What do dentists call their x-rays?
Tooth picks.
What's an asthma patient’s least favorite vegetable?
An arti-“choke”!
Cancer cancer cancer cancer. (joke speaks for itself)
My brackets are so high on my teeth, they must be smoking something.
