Medicine jokes
Do no doctor start with A and A+?
When a man loses his testosterone,
Man: Could I please have a loaner boner?
Q. What's the difference between an abortion clinic and Uber Eats?
Abortion clinics don't do deliveries.
Q: Why did the Mexican start taking anti-anxiety pills?
A: Because he was taking them for His-panic attacks.
POV: me telling a joke.
My dad: nobody likes a smart-ass.
Me: Nobody likes a smart-ass until the smart-ass finds a cure for cancer.
I hate salmonella.
It is such a pain in the butt.
Having a stroke?
Stop it!
*having sex on lexapro*
Her: Cum for me, baby!
Me: I'm trying!
My fat friend went to the doctor because he wanted to know his blood type. After performing some tests, the doctor said, "Well, the test results have shown that your blood type is ragu."
"Aww, it's a boy, let me cut off the ombelicul cored, sir, that's his penis!"
"It's a girl."
Doctor, Doctor, I discovered one of the base pairs in my genetic code is erroneously a stop codon?
Nonsense! That shouldn't be happening!
Okay, so I have a dairy and sugar allergy, and if I eat it, I get REALLY CONSTIPATED, so this is me when I’m constipated ᕙ(⇀‸↼‵‵)ᕗ lol.
Symptoms of Schizophrenia
The symptoms of this condition are fairly easy to recognize because they stand out so distinctly from a person’s usual behavior. In order for a diagnosis to be made, the person must suffer from two more of the following for at least one month:
Delusions
Hallucinations
What is round and squishy? A dead baby's head.
Why is the disease lung cancer never hungry? Because it's eating your lungs.
Do you know what it takes to beat cancer?
Heartbeat.
Doctor, can I please have a new butt? My old one has a hole and a crack in it.
What is a lot?
Syphilis.
What do you call a mammal that has no hair?
Cancer.
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!