ME jokes

My bestie: Are you dirty-minded?

Me: Do I have dirt in my mind? No.

It’s funny my sister wanted to have sex with me.

If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.

I dunno man, worked for me.

I may not be the brightest candle on the cake, but you can still blow me.

You may not like me, but you still look up to me.

EVERYONE:

"My boyfriend, Danny, broke up with me. Can some hot guy come, so I can interview them and see if they wanna date me?"

Me: You know your parents were very good people.

Orphan: Wow, I didn’t know that.

Me: I know, you're an orphan.

Huh what you say?

Come fight me, suck a dick.

I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."

My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.

I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.

My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.

Guys talk to me is what the emo loner said, but seriously, talk to me.

poop i eat it for dinner i eat it at night yet it never comes out of me? how is that possibul?

pOOp

My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.

Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol

My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.

My mom left me at a very young age.

Add me on XBOX! Chalkyfrog11

Hello Honey Bunches, it's me, Your Narrator. I was told by my buddy youthpartorryan he's in the middle of a war... I may be super wholesome but war against my buddy? Ho ho ho, no! A STORM IS COMING. #BestFriends

Me: Hey, apple.

Apple: What?

Me: Knife.

Apple: Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhh!