ME jokes

I saw two deaf people talking shit about me in sign language.

So I turned off the lights.

"Thank you for letting me borrow your wife."

*darned autocorrect*

"Thank you for letting me borrow your wi-fi"

I told my lesbian friends, "I wanna watch," so they bought me a Timex®.

It takes a licking and keeps on ticking.

My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.

What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?

Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?

What did the banana say to the vibrator?

"Why are you shaking? She's gonna eat me later!"

The legs are soft and delicious.

How much can you earn in Selkan Toko Na Sinsel? Njpopularnijssa bronia jost. My grandma was already eto nasaba of the other sachan without me. Then you will be satisfied.

I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"

Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."

I want to be a pornstar. Even if I completely suck, they will still give me a firm raise.

So the other day I saw a homeless man. He tried to mug me. I let him.

I had nothing on me either. (I'm on the next block over.)

An orphan told me people kept bullying him, so I said, "Tell your parents."

A panda goes to see a hooker. He goes down on her, he mates with her, he ejaculates and then he attempts to walk away.

The working girl asks, "Aren't you going to pay me?"

She opens the dictionary to "Prostitute: One who sells sexual companionship for money."

The panda picks up the dictionary and turns to the definition "Panda: A marsupial who eats, roots, shoots, and leaves."

I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places.

He told me to stop going to those places.

Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.

My best friend is black. It really pissed me off when my mom sold him.

What does a Right-Winger say when he sees a rainbow above the sky?

"A colorful sky? That's too woke for me. Jesus and our ancestors would have never stood for this!"

Is it just me or is your personality fake as well? Can't tell because everything about you is.

In the morning, I become a cereal killer. Stepped on a corn flake.

Then there was the run-in with a pair of orphaned Rice Krispies. Snap. Crackle. No pop.

I've been taken into custody as a cereal offender and am about to be put on trial in Food Court. I fully expect them to sentence me to Life.

When I finished playing my guitar, I noticed an amputee in the crowd not giving me a round of applause.

I went to help an amputated girl, but she didn't have a hand for me to grab.