ME jokes

Tip

    • Hey, wanna know why you remind me of a waitress?

    Because you handle my food great, and I give you a good tip afterwards.

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    • Cheat

    • I caught my girlfriend cheating on me. I was sitting in the back of the movie theater, where no one was. Suddenly, she was sitting in front of me with some guy she was hugging. I was furious. I couldn't stay there anymore, so her friend and I had to finish it in the toilet.

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    • Television

    • So I was sitting on my couch, watching this homophobic TV show all about "straight and great". But then I remember, "Aren't I part of the LGBTQ?"

    So I say, "Oh my God, let's throw it out the window because that would be a good idea!" But then it gets run over by 123,456,789 cars. It gave me a $150,000 fine. Guess I'm broke.

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    • Name

    • Teacher: "What's your name?"

    Student: "Hang on a second."

    10 seconds later:

    Teacher: "Is something wrong?"

    Student: "Hang on a second!"

    20 seconds later:

    Teacher: "Don't say a word!!!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!!!"

    Teacher: "Come here and tell me your name right now!!!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!"

    Teacher: "Don't call for help!!!"

    Student: "Just listen to me!"

    Teacher: "Go on, speak!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!"

    Teacher: "Don't push my patience; this is no joke!!! Tell me your name right now!"

    Student: "Hang on a second!!!"

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    • Pencil

    • You remind me of a pencil.

    Why?

    Because at one time, you actually made a valid point. This time, everything is pointless with you around.

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    • Word

    • The teacher asks me what my favourite word is.

    I said it but got told off and sent to the principal.

    What is my favourite word?

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    • Lyric

    • Teacher: What is your name? Me: Written in the stars.

    Teacher: Where? Me: A million miles away.

    Teacher: What are you talking about? Me: A message to the main.

    Teacher: You must change your behavior! Me: Seasons come and go, but I will never change.

    Teacher: Go to the school principal NOW! Me: And I'm on my way.

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    • Burglar

    • A burglar breaks into a weapons engineer's house, hoping to loot the high-tech arsenal. Suddenly, the engineer yells from upstairs, "Hey! Stop right there!"

    The burglar, trying to play tough, screams, "Hands up! I know you've got the goods! Open the armory or I'll shoot!"

    The engineer, trembling, cries, "Okay, okay! Don't shoot! I'll give you everything, even my latest prototype!"

    The burglar, eyes gleaming with greed, demands, "Prove it! Let me see this fancy new gun first!"

    The engineer points to a target range. "It's a plasma blaster," he claims. "Go ahead, give it a shot."

    The burglar aims at the bullseye, pulls the trigger, and—BANG!—the gun fires directly into his own chest.

    As the thief collapses, the engineer cackles, "Surprise! It's not plasma; it's my new 'Reverse-Recoil Special,' specifically designed for uninvited guests!"

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    • Symptom

    • My mom told me that her doctor told her personally that she had to keep herself isolated because she has a few new symptoms that are going around, and those symptoms are that she has big titties, a sweet pussy, and a great ass.

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    • Grandma

    • The legs are soft and delicious.

    How much can you earn in Selkan Toko Na Sinsel? Njpopularnijssa bronia jost. My grandma was already eto nasaba of the other sachan without me. Then you will be satisfied.

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    • Visibility

    • I got mad at my white friend today. I, as a darker person, had told them to meet me outside at 3 o'clock. They, being VERY special that day, had said, "AM or PM?"

    Laughing at their question, I said, "Honey, 3 AM, because I'll lose a fight at 3 PM."

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