ME jokes
Hello, I'm Ariana. I'm looking for someone. Anyone wanna date me?
Ariana
Karens yell, I scream, my mum fucks me.
Hi, how are you? Busy doing right? I just texted me and my dad and walk home from home and walk home and walk walk home.
Man: Could you hold this for me?
Kid: Ok mister! I love playing with a pew pew! Pow! Pew! Pew! Bang! *GUNSHOT*
Man: Dammit, now who am I gonna put in the van?!
I walked up to a cat and started to sing a song. The cat said, "HECK NO!" then ran off. I follow it while still singing "BABY COME HOME TO ME!!"
I went to go mine for some gold, but then I saw some shorts.
Friend: "Your jokes are too short."
Me: "Zip it, my jokes are always golden."
Friend: "You're such an ingot, don't forget your jokes are always Aurum."
Me: "I know my jokes are Aurum; it's always because I always glitz."
Friend: "At least I have luminescent" (Get it? Lu mines cent)
Someone lunged at me, armed with an unregistered nurse. I hit the floor.
It was 5:00 PM and I asked my sibling: "Can I have something to eat?"
He replied: "No, not until you tell me the alphabet."
So I said: "A, B, C, D, E, F, G, H, I, J, K, L, M, N, O, P, Q, R, S, U, V, W, X, Y, Z."
Then my sibling asked me: "Where's the T?"
I replied: "It's in the microwave, you just need to dish it up."
Is it me, or was 9/11 too plane? I thought it would be more exciting.
My boyfriend tried to make me have sex on the hood of his Honda Civic, but I refused. If I’m going to have sex, it’s going to be on my own Accord.
One day my mom told me not to be an actor. I said, "But mommy, I will make a lot of money!"
Clarie: I don't even care if it was a joke he made on me, you and Karlen, and if you think I'm getting over it, then you must have an oatmeal for a brain.
Jordan: Clarie ... you are so sensitive when she tells a little joke about you, me, and Karlen.
Clarie: It was painful!
Jordan: Who cares? I laughed. Ben is not a bad person, okay, calm down.
Clarie: Ben is a bad person. We are making friends with a bully/thug, but you say that he is not a "bad person", my mom is going to kill me if she finds out that I am hanging out with those kinds of people!
Jordan: Then don't tell her! Listen, I need you, give Ben a chance! Please?
Clarie: Shush, Karlen is coming!
Karlen: Hey guys, that Ben guy for sure has a way of saying words, I wish I could hurt him!!
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
What do you call a green camel?
My parents left me.
Couldn't be me being an orphan.
Me in the middle of the night boiling water.
Me talking to my brother: How do you make holy water?
My brother: How?
Me: You boil the hell out of it.
Me and my emo group were walking down to the tree and somebody yelled, "Don't leave me!"
Me: What do you want to do for your birthday?
Fiancé: I want to go somewhere I've never been before!
Me: Well welcome to the Kitchen!
"Giggety, giggety." Lois, give me your titties.
They don't call priests "daddy," they call me daddy.