ME jokes
Me: Hey, you want to hear a dark joke?
Brother: Sure.
Me: Turn off the light.
Me: *sprays some perfume on myself*
Friend: Omg, that smells so good! You’re so aromatic, how do you not have a bf yet?
Me: ... I’m aromantic and aromatic. I do not desire romantic relationships with others although I do enjoy carrying lovely scents with me.
My friend called me fat, so I challenged him to a running race.
What say the child to the man? Shalom.
Man come later give the child: "Here, what you asked for!"
Child: "No, sir! I say Shabbat Shalom. I not ask for salmon!"
Man: "It may be the coin in me ear, hard to hear."
LBB- me and Shrek built a theme park for you mummy and it’s called Dummy pee pee poo poo doo doo land because Shrek likes to poop.
Shrek- Should I pull the trap?
*LBB’s mom walks into the trap*
LBB and Shrek- surprise we’re mailing you to Peepoo Peepoo AB
You know why they call me 007?
0 girls.
0 chances.
7 restraining orders.
What's long, hard, and full of semen?
Answer: Me.
When someone says don't talk back to me, say, "I wasn't aware that answering a question was considered talking back."
"Does this make any cents?" a man says.
"Oh, it does make cents," me. <-- thing: Lemin"aid" <-- another joke.
What's the difference between me and you?
Nothing, the fudge you expected ni-
If you buy two condoms, but you're banging a woman, it's fine, don't throw it away, just make her transgender.
I dunno man, worked for me.
My newly wed wife is a porn star. She would probably kill me if she found out.
I said to the orphan, "Do you want me to take you to your family? Oh wait..."
My wife saw me hit the best drive yesterday with my golf clubs.
I must have drove that chihuahua 300 yards.
My mum told me to take you to the zoo and throw you in the lake, but I couldn't find you.
Guys talk to me is what the emo loner said, but seriously, talk to me.
poop i eat it for dinner i eat it at night yet it never comes out of me? how is that possibul?
pOOp
My roasts aren't funny. At least this shit gets me money.
Me sais yes to mom when she seis wha is 1 plus 1 and me is says NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! looooooooooooooooooolllolololololol
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.