ME jokes
A woman walked up to me and asked me for a joke. I stood there with a straight face knowing women can't be funny.
Desmend: FLY
Draco: FLY
Me: DIE
A man gave me 1 dollar that was ripped and laughed away. I wonder why he did that.
He did that on purpose to trick me, then I met him in the threes.
Quit making jokes about me.
What is a good night's sleep? I love it when you walk home and walk walk home from school. Was your time I had dinner night night? Dinner night, is it fun for me? I o I had dinner.
Memes
I did a walk today, but it was good for me and my car. And a walk today.
Man 1: You look like Scott Cawthon.
Man 2: I'm gonna put your dick in a Coffin!
Man 3: Me first!
My dad called me as I said I shit in my sister's mouth. Impossible? Nope.
Person: Hey, do you know what's the best thing in life?
...
You do realize that I said nothing, right?
Me: Exactly :)
Are you a waterfall?
'Cause I'm falling for you.
I went to school and everyone was screaming and looking at me. They weren't after I shot them, though.
Want to hear a joke? I swear it isn't about my life again.
My mom and dad made a joke together and called it "yeetsu" (me)!
The joke is me.
I had to take my pet octopus to the vet yesterday.
Oh, don’t worry, he’s okay now.
But the vet charged me six quid.
Knock, knock. Who's there? Fuck. Fuck who? What, are you kidding me? I just wanted to tell you a joke!
My wife and I have been married over 30 years, but don’t get me wrong, we still perform tricks in the bedroom.
I sit up and beg, she rolls over and plays dead.
Friend texting fat boy: I know you're on the group chat. I can see you looking at my texts.
Me: I can only see fat.
What’s the difference between me and Glow In The Dark Intelligent Putty? The putty’s intelligent!
Friend 1: *turns off lights*
Friend 2: *is there with us*
Me: Woah! Where did friend 2 go?!
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!