ME jokes

I'm taking a guitar lesson at school. My band instructor told me he was going to hit me with my guitar. I asked him if that was a "fret."

Me: Mom, I think I need to go to the hospital.

Mom: OMG, why son?

Me: I don't know what's wrong, but every time I close my eyes, I can see.

Think about it, then spread LMAO.

When my boss asked me who is the stupid one, me or him? I told him everyone knows he doesn't hire stupid people.

What happened when a kid bullied an orphan?

The orphan said, "I’m going to tell my mom!"

Bully: "I wanna see your mom!"

Narrator: At that moment, he knew he messed up.

This was my friend's joke he wanted me to post;)

A girl in the shop was getting bullied. She came to me saying, "I’m getting bullied." I told her, "Stand up for herself."

This kinda reminds me of when my mum was feeding me. She always used to say, "Open wide for the delicious plane."

Why do orphans play Roblox? Because there is a game called "Adopt Me!"

Boy/girl: I love you.

Me: I love me too! But sorry, my mom said I can't date trash. Go back to the trashcan.

The boy/girl: I- *Is depressed*

Me: Let's go to Randy's.

Friend: There's no Randy's.

Me: Ran deez nuts with a car.

Me: Do you know a funny joke?

Friend: Yes, you.

"Knock knock?"

"Who's there?"

"Depression"

"Depression wh-"

ME!! *runs away*

How do I get out of the toilet seat? Help me, please. I'm very stuck!

My Friend: Why does Santa look like that?

My 15 Year Old Friend: He has secateurs cancer...

Me: I heard it's because he comes once a year.

*Everyone Looks at me*

Hiiiiiiiii, I said, Man, want candy? Me, YESSSSSS! Me, gets kidnaped.

Hi, I am back! Tell me what's happening?

Me: 911. You: You died 9/11.

Mom: Son, where are my condoms?

Son: What are condoms?

Dad: She puts it on me and the sandwich.

Son: Wait, why did my girlfriend come over and take one?

Dad: Um, I don't know, but go to bed.

Son: But it's 2:46pm in the afternoon, bruh.

I have a confession. I used to be a Christian.

Don’t bother me none, babe!

Awesome! I much prefer being a Christine!

“Hol up”

A customer asked me to look at their hairline. I time traveled back to the dinosaurs.

I'm Black, when a cop sees me, he shoots.