ME jokes

What did the kid say to the emo?

"Don't leave me hanging!"

Teacher: Why do people snore?

Me: Because they sleep.

Your hairline is so big, it distracts me from your face.

When Stephen Hawking entered Heaven and met with the Lord, after a short interview God asked: "Hey Stephen, I need you to explain to me how does all this stuff work?"

There are two muffins baking in the oven. One muffin says to the other, “Phew, is it getting hot in here or is it just me?”

The other muffin says, “AAAAHHH!! A TALKING MUFFIN!”

My mum told me to stop playing with my sister. She said, "At least wait for her to be born first."

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

"I want to know who this fake me is! I haven't even posted or commented on anything bad or said a curse. I am very kindly asking you to stop."

I'm Asian and there is a saying that dogs are man's best friends. They are my best friends because they keep me from starving.

Dear Kenya, love of life,

Thanks for commenting on my jokes, and thanks for being a nice person to me! Love, Jaden. You can tell by the emojis 🥰😍❤️💞!

Love you a million times more!

I'm evilest-evil man.

"Yes, you are," scared guy.

No, me, it me: Evil super evil boy!

"1v1 me in Clash, you're trash, bro."

Roses are red,

Violets are blue,

Look at me again,

It will be the end of you.

I was in an audition for the lead role of movie "Aquaman." The Director told me to dive into a pool. Then outta nowhere Penaldo showed up and made a big dive into the pool. The director was impressed and selected Penaldo for the movie.

Shame on you Penaldo for destroying my dream!

Pass me the sugar, Sugar!

Pass me the honey, Honey!

Pass me the teabag!

My mom told me to clean the sink, but I couldn’t find you.

Me: Opens the window to get some fresh air.

Everyone else on the plane: 😟...😱

Can't be bothered with jokes, me and Syd Drake f**k 24/7.

I asked my dad, "Are we there yet?" and he told me, "Don't worry, son, it will be a short ride!"

Charlie Chaplin and Tork Poettschke meet.

Chaplin: "What can I do for you?"

Poettschke: "Please get away from me."