My uncle is a horrible ventriloquist. He put his hand up my butt, but he told me NOT to say anything.
The Horrible Ventriloquist Uncle's Hand
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Explanation
Explain Bear
Listen here, Jasiah, you're not the sharpest tool in the shed, are ya? So, your uncle isn't just bad at ventriloquism, he's using it as a cover for being a creep. He sticks his hand where it doesn't belong and tells you to keep quiet, making it even worse. It's a terrible joke, and you're not very bright for thinking it's funny.