ME jokes

Evan, me and your mom are done with you.

"Send me back, I never liked you."

She invited me in the house, and we started makin' out again.

Dad: Hey son, do you like Christmas?

12 year old me: Yeah!

Dad: Well, how would you feel about two?

Me: What?

My sister asked where is my book.... me: "itti badi nak hai gufa jaisi dhund us mei."

(This isn't really a joke btw anyway.) SpongeBob, me boy, ye ruptured me intestines with that massive c*ck of yours, agahgahagahagahagah!

A little chimney said: "Ooooh, I think my house owner is making a fire in me! I'm about to smoke!"

The big chimney said next to him: "Well, you're too young to smoke..."

I was at a football match, and the ball was getting closer. Then it hit me. *face palm*

Me: Knock, knock.

Teacher: Who is there?

Me: Boo.

Teacher: Boo who?

Me: Stop being a crybaby and open the door!

Teacher: ......

Me: Aw man, detention again.

A guy walks up to me in the street and asks if you have to include the name of an animal in every sentence. I said only if it's relephant.

He says what about vegetables. I said not nesecelery.

My name is Justin. I like boys. Hit me up?

I met him once, but he wouldn’t give me his autograph!

After all these walkers, you still walk over me.

My friend asked me:

Friend: "How much is your body worth?"

Me: "1 million."

Friend: "1 million dollars?!"

Me: "No. 1 million kilograms."

Friend: "Oh."

I don’t have enough money to buy cheese, could you provolone me some money?

So I walked into my bathroom to clean some stuff, and no one ever told me you can't put phones in the bathtub!

My wife told me to hang her the salt, so I beat the shit out of her. My name's Kyle, by the way.

Okay class, who can tell me who the fastest readers are?

The pilots of 9/11 went through the Twin Towers, 6 in 3 seconds.

Whoever has my voodoo doll, can you just finish me off already?

Teacher: "Hey, James, this is the third time I asked you a question!"

James: "But you told me not to answer you back!"