Man jokes

Man yelling at mailman realizes he's opening the mailbox.

Mailman: "There's a pipe bomb in your mailbox..."

There once was a man who beat his wife, And before he even knew it, he ended her life. His hands were a mess, all red and bloody, He had to find somewhere to hide the body.

Why did the man yell at the other? To tell a pun.

From the wise words of my friend, "You ain't a man 'til you had a man."

Man, everybody's birthday is this year! 🤦🏽‍♂️

Man, all these jokes suck. They're horri-puning.

Why was your mom so into me?

'Cause she was the man.

Q: Why do men say "ladies first?"

A: So they can look at their a**.

What does it mean when there is a man in your bed, gasping for breath and saying your name?

It just means that you didn't hold the pillow down long enough.

Man, I didn't know they put Humpty Dumpty back together!

What did the moose say after leaving the gay bar?

"Man, I blew 50 bucks in there."

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

What did the dark man say when he found out he had an erectile dysfunction?

"I can't breed! I can't breed! I can't breed!"

R.I.P. Floyd.

What do you call a Black Iron Man?

Robert Browny Jr.

A man comes to an assassin who charges $1000 per shot. He tells the assassin, "My wife's been cheating on me. I want you to shoot her in the head and shoot the guy in the dick." When they arrive, they wait. The man asks why he hasn't taken the shot. The assassin says, "I know how I can save you $1000."

Two men are sitting at a coffee table.

Mike: "I think I might have a drinking problem."

Joe: "Why do you say that?"

Mike: "Well, last week I got so drunk I blew chunks."

Joe: "That's nothing to be ashamed of; we all drink a little too much sometimes."

Mike: "No, you don't understand. Chunks is my dog's name."

Why did Arnold throw his clock out of the window?

It reminded him of Richard Clocks, a man convicted for knife raping his wife.

A man comes to a bar and has a drink. Then his bully came to him and stole his drink. Then the bully asked, "What's wrong?"

The man said that "I'm trying to kill myself. I tried getting hit by a train, but the train went on a different track. Then I tried to jump off a bridge, but I fell on a boat full of pillows. Then I tried to poison myself."

Then the bully says, "Then what?" Then the man replied, "You just drank it." Then the man left.

One night, a father heard his daughter saying good night.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good night, Mamah."

"Good bye, Papa."

The next day her papa died.

He heard her saying them a month later.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good night, Dad."

"Good bye, Mamah."

The next day her mamah died.

Well, her dad was scared for his life. He knew he was next. Well, his daughter said them again.

"Good night, Mom."

"Good bye, Dad."

The next day, the mail man dropped dead on their porch.

Did you hear about the story of the husband who told his wife she’d look sexier with her hair back?

Apparently, that’s not a nice thing to say to cancer patients.

A young man cracked a joke about dementia to his friend on the bus. The old man sitting next to him politely asked, “Can you stop making jokes about terminal diseases?”

He replied, “Yes, I cancer.” Then he cracked tumor.

EMINEM: His palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy.

WebMD: Cancer.