Makeup Jokes

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

You're so ugly, when you went to the makeup store, it shut down.

Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?

A: Because they have the balls to.

Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

When I see James Charles, my popcorn goes pop pop.

What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

Their knees.

Why did the blonde put lipstick on her forehead?

To make up her mind.

The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

She still isn't talking to me.

Your leg is straighter than James Charles.

The eyelash and the lipstick got into a fight. Soon they will make up.

I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

I’m a clown...

And everyone knows.

Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

Teacher: Why are you late!

Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

She looked at me surprised.

(P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

Why did the girl 👧 bring lipstick 💄 to beauty school?

Because she had a make-up exam.