Makeup

Makeup Jokes

Kid

When the depressed kid runs out of eyeliner, so he says "fruit ninja" with his wrists.

Eyebrow

One day I told my wife that she drew her eyebrows too high.

She looked surprised.

Mental Health

Someone at school asked what makeup I was wearing.

I said, "a smile."

They are now following me around asking if my mental health is okay.

My plan to avoid them is to not go to school.

Going to school is mandatory in this country.

Can you guess my plan?

Clown

Most people say I'm a clown. Yet they don't laugh at my jokes. Most people avoid me because I'm a "clown". Yet I'm not the center of the circus. But I know I'm gonna be a clown forever. Because I can't take this damn mask off, no matter how hard I try.

Weeks later: Finally I found out why I'm being called a clown...because my smiling face is fake...

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  • Yo mama

    Holy shit there's so many yo mama jokes. Here's mine: Yo mama so skinny she used a cheerio as a hula hoop.

    Yo mama so fat that she made a plane unstable and crashed it into the Twin Towers.

    Yo mama so old that she has Jesus's autograph.

    Yo mama so ugly that not even makeup can save her.

    Yo mama so dumb that she thought Rocket League was a competition between kids in wheelchairs.

    Friend

    You need to eat makeup on the inside because, friend, you're so ugly and you're not even pretty on the outside.

    Clown

    Q: Why do clowns always get into fights?

    A: Because they have the balls to.

    Lesbian

    Can two high-femme lesbians go on a date with each other?

    Yes, but it will take them forever to get ready.

    Knee

    What do women put on their ears to look more attractive?

    Their knees.

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  • Lipstick

    The other day, my girlfriend asked me to pass her lipstick, but I accidentally passed her a glue stick.

    She still isn't talking to me.

    Eyebrow

    I told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high. She seemed surprised.

    Insult

    Popular girl: Sorry I'm late.

    Teacher: Why are you late!

    Girl: I need my beauty sleep.

    Nerd: Well, you might need to hibernate because you ain't pretty.

    Eyebrow

    I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too high.

    She looked at me surprised.

    (P.S. I am not at that age plus I am as straight as a helix ruler.)

    Girl

    Why did the girl ๐Ÿ‘ง bring lipstick ๐Ÿ’„ to beauty school?

    Because she had a make-up exam.