Sound Jokes

Light
in Puns

Light travels faster than sound. That’s why some people appear bright until you hear them speak

Väcüüm Cłëæner

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

Anonymous
in Marriage

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Anonymous

The judge asked me "How does 5 to 10 years sound?" I said “Sexy.”

1
Anonymous
in Cow

what is a cows favorite move?-- the sound of moooosic

Sneakyjew

There are some sounds that everyone loves…

  • Shoes on gravel
  • Crackling of fire
  • The snapping necks of those who think they can disrespect you
  • Cats purring
Anonymous

What was Steven Hawking’s last words?

The windows xp log out sound

Anonymous
in Stupid jokes

What sound does a 747 make when it bounces?

Boeing boeing boeing.

Why?
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny walked into the bathroom while his dad was taking a dump. As soon as Little Johnny walked in his dad let out a big FART! Little Johnny said “WHAT WAS THAT?” His dad said “ That was the sound of the north wind. The next day his teacher asked the class “ What’s the direction of the north wind?” Little Johnny raised his hand. The teacher called on him and he said “TEACH IT’S MY DADDY’S BOOTY!”

7
Anonymous

It’s funny how Stephen hawking sounds like Stephen walking or Stephen talking but he can’t do any of those things

4

My girlfriend accused me of cheating. I told her she was starting to sound like my wife.

Anonymous

When you send nudes to your roblox gf and your uncle’s phone sounds with a text tone…

Anonymous
in Puns

Hey God what are you making?

Just a wooden stick that lights on fire

sounds like a match made in heaven

2
no1

One dark stormy night when i was 8 years old I woke up in the middle of the night busting to pee, half asleep i walked down the stairs and toward the bathroom and heard a strange whirring sound that sounded like a ghost. When I opened the door i felt a strange cool breeze and the light came on automatically and the ghostly sound stopped, terrified I did what I had to and went back to bed. The next 3 nights the same thing happened and finally i decided i had to tell my mom no matter how hard to believe it sounded. The next night I woke up I went into my parents room and woke my mom up and said, “you have to come with me and see this it’s really important,” Half asleep she murmured, "oh what is it can’t it wait until the morning?’ I pleaded, “no you have to come see, our bathroom is haunted by a ghost when I go in the middle of the night I can hear a ghost sound then when i open the door I feel the cold as it swoops through me and the light comes on automatically.” She yawned and said, “oh so that’s who’s been peeing in the refrigerator.”

Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles, His teacher asked “Three birds where sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?” Little Johnny replied “None, because the sound would scare the other two away.” His teacher said “No, but I like the way you think!” Little Johnny replied, “Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?” His teacher was shocked and said “Little Johnny!” He replied “It’s gum! But I like the way you think!”

Anonymous
in Self Harm

Why do self-harmers “draw” on their arms? Because everything they do is in vein Punchline: “Vain” sounds similar to “Vein”.

Anonymous
in Little Johnny

Little Johnny walked on into to his house.He heard a banging sound from up above and decied to investigate.He opened the door to his parents room and saw his naked mom and the woman next door.He thought they were wrestling and decided to join in.

SteepThought753 (xbox)

Being gay sounds like a pain in the ass

5
I killed a man

What do you call Helen Keller in a pitch black, sound proof room? Unnecassary.

1
Anonymous

When you are suicidal comedic relief sometimes helps. These jokes sometimes help you realize how many more people feel the way you do and how ridiculous it sounds sometimes.

But joke time…

I’m giving in my two week resignation to life… it’s not you … it’s me!!!