Man

Man jokes

Crowd

A man shot into a crowd at the train station and didn't hit one person. When the police asked why he missed, someone said, "'Cause he gay."

He couldn't shoot straight.

Orphan

I saw an orphan take a selfie... oh man, that was one alone family photo.

Orphan

A man has the power to grant anyone a wish they want.

A kid comes up and says, "I want to be like Batman!"

The man smiles and grants his wish. The child goes home and finds that he is now an orphan.

Lightbulb

How many heterosexual men does it take to change a lightbulb in heaven?

Both of them.

Life

I decided today that I was going to do something with my life, something amazing, and I decided to punch a homeless man.

Memes

Wood

A man and a child walk into the woods. The child turns to the man and says, "Mister, can we go home? It's getting late, and I'm scared to walk home."

The man turns to the child and says, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk home alone!"

Sex

Boyfriend: Let's go to bed.

Girlfriend: No.

Boyfriend: Why?

Girlfriend: Because you want sex.

Boyfriend: No, I don't.

NEXT MINUTE

The man could hear banging.

Climber

What did one mountain climber say to the other mountain climber?

Man, you are really on edge.

Pistol

I tell a man, "Get me a Glock 19." He comes back with a glove. I was about to shout at him, but then I saw a pistol in his pocket, so I left and thanked him.

Hairline

What did one man say to his friend who had a receding hairline?

He said, “Hey, friend, I can see that your head definitely has a brighter future than mine.”

Lamp

The man was absolutely delighted to find that every lamp in his house was stolen.

Couch

Some moving men had just begun their day's work.

The first thing they brought into the house was a huge couch.

The owner came in and asked how everything was going. They replied, "Sofa so good."

Fart

Confucius say, "Man who sit in church and fart must sit in pew."

Name

So a man asked another man, "What's your name?"

He says, "What's it to ya?"

So the guy asked again, "And he says what's it to ya?"

Come to find out his name was What's It To Ya.