Himself jokes
The teacher was terrified to hear Little Johnny swear.
“I never want you to use language like that again. Where on earth did you pick it up?”
“From my father,” said Johnny.
“Well, he should be ashamed of himself. And it’s no reason for you to talk like that. You don’t even know what it means.”
“I do,” said Johnny. “It means the car won’t start.”
I got sent to the principal's office for telling the kid in the wheelchair to stand up for himself.
As ruler of a kingdom, I wanted a knight. Duke Leo Pessi IV offered himself but wanted a wife in return. I offered my beautiful daughter to him. However, he slapped her and proceeded to wreck my castle. All this whilst crying “I don’t want princess, I want farmer!”
DAMN YOU PESSI!
What did Eminem call himself when he lost weight?
Slim Shady.
It's so sad that Stephen Hawking has a whole category on here about him and he can't stand up for himself.
A guy starts texting a cute girl and asks her to give him her phone number so he can call her. The girl says, "OK, but you have to transfer mobile balance to my number. Then I am gonna be your girlfriend and will meet you somewhere." He transfers her the balance and calls her, but it turns out the girl was actually a guy making him a fool. He blocked him.
The next day, he was very angry about himself being a fool, so he thought he'd do the same. He makes a fake girl account and starts texting with some random guy, and then he asks that guy to send him balance. Suddenly, his father came into his bedroom and asked, "Son, can you send me some balance? I am gonna send you cash after sometime." That guy looks at his father with suspicious eyes, and then he calls that random number. Suddenly his father's phone starts ringing......
Old McDonald cuts himself.
E-M-E-M O!
Why did Hittle kill himself? Because he wanted to buy a car, but then Hittler farted.
My wife is so ugly when she was born, the doctor said, "I did everything I could, but she pulled through anyways." When she was born, the doctor hung himself with the umbilical cord. He pushed her back in, said, "Not done." The doctor slapped her mother. The doctor looked at her and said, "Twins!" He didn't know what end to slap. He threw her away and kept the afterbirth.
Why can't Stephen Hawking win any arguments?
Because he can't stand up for himself.
My friend just got hit by a car and is now in a wheelchair. He is getting bullied, but I don’t understand why he just can’t stand up for himself.
A doctor slept with one of his patients and thought to himself, "This is wrong, but some doctors do it..." He is a vet.
Why did the emo get put at the back of the line? He cut himself.
How did Capetian Hook kill himself? He wiped his butt with the wrong hand.
This mute kid was getting made fun of. I told him to speak up for himself.
What did Stephen Hawking love that couldn't move?
Himself, ps particularly his whole body. I was gonna say his legs, but then I remembered he was fully paralysed and was like shitttttttttttttttttttttttttttt.
Why did the mushroom kill himself?
Because he had a mushy life.
My peepee small.
Once I saw a retard and an Alberta separatist having a conversation.
Well, actually, it was just the Alberta separatist talking to himself.
The kid in the wheelchair was getting bullied, so I encouraged him to stand up for himself. I don't know why he started crying.
Why did the man put himself on fire?
To BURN Calories.