Nothing jokes
Why are skeletons so calm?
Because nothing gets under their skin.
Rules of Dark humor:
1. All subject matter can be used, nothing is off limits.
2. No saying "Me" or "My Life" as a joke. Nobody finds those funny. We want actual good and meaningful jokes.
3. Don't Repeat Previously Posted Jokes. If you are saying the same joke that the person right before you posted you are just begging for attention and nobody by any means likes that.
I will add more in the future and be frequent on this site.
- Sincerely, Zane
I spy with my little eye nothing because I only have two normal-sized eyes.
Three men are on a boat. They have four cigarettes, but nothing to light them with. So, they throw a cigarette overboard and the whole boat becomes a cigarette lighter.
A blind man once told me he smokes a lot because he has nothing to look forward to. Well, let's just say that I see his point.
Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense. Baby, we didn’t spend all that time in the closet for nothing.
Chuck Norris once heard nothing can kill him. So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
What did the chicken say to the turkey?
Nothing, he chickened out!
"Boom, quick; you have five seconds to give me three reasons to live." "1......2......3 .....4....5..." Did you notice you said nothing at all?
There's nothing more depressing than a failed suicide attempt.
There's nothing else that can beat up dog.
What's up, dog?
Just my depression!
Did you hear the scores of the African basketball game?
It was Eight-Nothing.
Three nuns are talking, and the first nun says, "You would never believe what I discovered." Intrigued, the others signal her to continue. "I found a phone in the priest's room," said the first nun. "Oh, that's nothing," said the second one. "I found condoms in one of his drawers." said the second one. "What did you do with them?" said the first nun. Pridefully, the second nun responds with, "I poked holes in all of them." and the third nun says, "Oh sh*t...."
What does a man with no arms or legs do on Halloween?
Nothing.
What did Superman say to Batman?
Nothing, Bruce is dead.
A woman goes into labor with her child. The doctor says that they have invented a new device to transfer the pain of childbirth to the father. He asks if it is okay to use the new device. The couple agrees, and so he turns the pain to the father to 10%. The man feels nothing. They then bump it up to 20%. He still feels nothing. They keep doing this until they have the machine up to 100%. The man still felt nothing so they go home happy, until they find the milkman dead on the porch.
What did the orphan say to the adopter?
Nothing, he just stared.
What did the lampost say to the other lampost?
Nothing, because it can't speak.
Decent sausages, average price, good car and seats... nothing.
Why did Stephen Hawking go to his fridge but get nothing out?
It was a dummy run.