I don't think my gf likes it when I take my schizophrenia meds because she always goes away when I take them.
i love u like my cuts deeply
Pickup lines in 2022 are like: "Are you Russia? Because your bombs are so big!"
Why is parking a car like finding a girlfriend?
All the good ones are taken so you stick it in the disabled one and hope nobody notices
If you are going to make fun of someone make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?
Double whammy. Dark humor is like a kid with cancer it never gets old.
My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex... I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.
i have no father. like if you relate
Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.
Kid: dad what is it like to be drunk Dad: you see those 2 trees over there, if you were drunk you would see 4 Kid: dad there is only 1 tree
Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:
"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."
I once heard my dad shout I'm going to be like frozen and let it go then I heard a gunshot
your hair line is so back it looks like will smith slapped it
Emo girls be like- how much am I worth... Girl scan the code on your wrist
Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. Thats the third one this week and its only monday
Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers
The bible says to love your neighbors as you love yourself. So I treat everyone like garbage
Roast: What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus? One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.
My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.
I should put a little more backbone into them.
Why do people in Alabama like eating sandwiches? They like things in bread.
guys don’t let nobody hurt you with words like someone once said sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me
