Like jokes
So, I was raping this girl the other night, and she said, "Please just think of my kids!" I was like, "What a freak."
A guy starts chatting to a pretty woman at a party.
Seeing that she didn't back off, he asked her name. "Carmen," she replied. "That's a nice name," he said, warming up the conversation. "Who named you, your mother?"
"No, I named myself," she answered.
"Oh, that's interesting. Why Carmen?"
"Because I like cars, and I like men," she said, looking directly into his eyes. "So what's your name?" she asked.
‘BJ Titsngolf’
Why do heterosexual men like to receive an anonymous blowjob at an adult bookstore? Because they don't want gay men and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out that they also like getting their cocks sucked by men, but they don't want gay and bisexual men in the LGBT community to find out.
A boy walks in on his parents having sex. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the boy screams at his father, and runs out of the room.
Soon, the parents hear screams coming from the father's mother's room. They both go running. They see the little boy pumping into his grandmother like anything. "What are you doing to my mother?!" the father screams. "It's not so easy when it's your mother is it?" says the boy.
Little Johnny was playing outside and steps on a honeybee. His dad sees this and says, "I saw what you did and for that, you get no honey for two weeks." Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like honey anyway." About fifteen minutes later, Little Johnny is playing with the butterflies and rips the wings off of one. His dad bursts out and says, "I saw that, and for it you get no butter for a month." Little Johnny replies, "I don't care, I don't like butter anyway." Both Little Johnny and his dad go in for dinner. Johnny's mother sees a cockroach on the ground and steps on it. Little Johnny looks and smiles and says, "Do you want to tell her or should I?"
Little Johnny and his teacher were telling each other jokes and riddles. His teacher asked, "Three birds were sitting on a wire, a hunter shot one. How many are left?" Little Johnny replied, "None, because the sound would scare the other two away." His teacher said, "No, but I like the way you think!"
Little Johnny replied, "Alright, now I have one for you. What goes in dry and hard and comes out soft and hard?" His teacher was shocked and said, "Little Johnny!" He replied, "It's gum! But I like the way you think!"
Bro's hair looks like Buzz Lightyear, going to infinity and beyond!
People be like: "What happened to Fruit Ninja? It was on your phone."
Me: "I upgraded, now I can play on my pro max thigh/wrists."
Why did Mexicans go to Area 51?
To show them what a real illegal alien looks like.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
Question: Why did Donald Trump convert to Judaism?
Answer: Because he heard that Vladimir Putin likes to drink vodka with "Orange Jews"!
How are Xbox servers like hookers? First they take my money, and then they go down on me.
Why is a wet pavement like playing music?
If you don't C sharp, you'll B flat.
So, my friend and I were talking this time. I asked them what they would do if they ever met Rengoku. They said that they would probably like shake his hand or something, but I said I would lick his forehead. Wtf?
Nah c'mon guys, we don't let jokes like this fly around here.
"I always like walking in the rain, so no one can see me crying."
- Charlie Chaplin
I like my men like I like my whiskey: Irish and put in a barrel for 2 years with barely any oxygen.
The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.
It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.
I just read in the news that tons of Americans are sending their old clothes to poor people in Africa.
Seems like a waste of time in my opinion. I've never seen an African with a 52 inch waist.
What kind of music do wind turbines like?
They are big, heavy metal fans!