Like jokes

Q: How are Asians like a box of chocolates?

A: Either way they'll kill your dog.

The first time riding my bike was a lot like my first time having sex.

It was hot. I was sweaty, but my sister had her hands on my shoulders all the time.

If you are going to make fun of someone, make fun of orphans. What are they going to do, tell their parents?

Double whammy.

Dark humor is like a kid with cancer, it never gets old.

Why do Priests like playing the violin? They get to finger A minor.

My first high-school football game was a lot like my first time having sex...

I was bloody and sore at the end, but at least my dad came.

A man walks into a pharmacy and asks the pharmacist, "May I have a bottle of arsenic, please?" She is shocked. "Why would you want something like that?" The man calmly tells her, "I want to poison my unfaithful wife and her lover." The pharmacist is now horrified. She said, "I can not possibly give you that. It is completely illegal and I would lose my license and be prosecuted for conspiracy and murder!" At this point the man hands the pharmacist a photo of his unfaithful wife having sex with the pharmacist's husband. She examines it then looks up at him. "Oh. I didn't know you had a prescription."

Osama Spin Laden, dropping beats like the twin towers.

I have no father. Like if you relate.

I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?

Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.

Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. 😁

What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.

Your hairline is so back it looks like Will Smith slapped it.

Your family tree looks like a circle 💀💀💀

What category of music did JFK like?

You could say he was a metalhead.

1 like = 1 more child in my basement.

These jokes are weak like the structure of the towers.

I like my lovers like I like my whiskey, 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

My friends say they don’t like my skeleton puns.

I should put a little more backbone into them.