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Like jokes

9/11

You know, I like my girls how I like my 9/11: Two twins that go down easy.

Drunk

Kid: Dad, what is it like to be drunk?

Dad: You see those two trees over there? If you were drunk, you would see four.

Kid: Dad, there is only one tree.

Telephone Number

Head teacher talking about recent vandalism during school assembly:

"And to those of you who wrote Mr. Smith's telephone number on the door of the girl's toilets, he would like to make it clear that the last digit is a 7 and not a 4."

Skeleton

What happens when a skeleton does not laugh at your pun?

Looks like someone's funny bone is broken. ๐Ÿ˜

  • 6
  • Suicide

    I once heard my dad shout, "I'm going to be like Frozen and let it go!" Then I heard a gunshot.

  • 2
  • Girlfriend

    What is the difference between your girlfriend and a walrus?

    One is hairy and smells like fish, and the other is a walrus. You're welcome.

  • 5
  • Shooting

    Teachers at a school shooting be like: damn it. That's the third one this week and it's only Monday.

    Friend

    My friends say they donโ€™t like my skeleton puns.

    I should put a little more backbone into them.

    Masturbation

    I saw my sister masturbating with a carrot. I said, "Come on, I was gonna eat that later! Now it's just gonna taste like carrots!"

  • 4
  • Fart

    The teacher asked her class to use "definitely" in a sentence. Little Johnny raised his hand to answer, yet the teacher passed him and went on to Kevin. "The sky is definitely blue." "Very good Kevin, but the sky can also be blue or black," the teacher replied.

    Little Johnny raised his hand again as high as he could, yet the teacher passed right over him and picked Annie from the back of the room. "The grass is definitely green." "Very good Annie, but it can also be brown." Little Johnny was waving his hand like crazy seeking her attention. Finally, she called on him. "Mine's more of a question, but do farts have lumps in them?" "Why no, Johnny, why would you ask such a question?" She questioned. "Well, if they don't have lumps in them, then I definitely just shit myself."

  • 8
  • Orphan

    Why did the orphan like to jump? So they can jump off a bridge to be reunited with their parents.

    1 like = 10 more orphans in my basement.