Like jokes
Pro marriage tip: Let your wife know you’re all about women’s rights. There’s no reason she needs to talk that much; it’s not like replying to her is voice activated.
What does Joker say when someone gets angry at him for not liking oats?
"Hey, why so cereal?"
Your taste in men is like my taste in humor: dark.
Dark humour is like skin.
The darker it is, the less people like it.
Why are female pornstars like Krispy Kreme donuts?
Because they get glazed on both sides.
I'm racist.
I don't like green cars.
So there were these two wind turbines standing in a field, and one of them asks the other, "What kind of music do you like?"
The other thinks for a moment and says, "I'm a big metal fan."
What did the squirrel say when he chewed some saggy boobs?
Is it just me or do these taste like nuts?
Why is chemotherapy like a five-star meal?
Because you have to have money to pay for it.
Why are dildos like a ratcheting wrench? They both make lots of noise and get their job done.
Why do people use terms like "sucky" to mean that they don't like something?
If something "sucks," shouldn't that signify that it is at least good for one thing and will bring pleasure?
What do you do in India when you need to tell the time but don't have the money for a watch?
You bob your head from side to side like a metronome.
What song is the most annoying for a Serb?
Sweet Home Alabama (because it sounds like Sweet Home Albania)!
They say people can have a sharp mind. Yours is like a dull knitting needle.
Your insults are like a blank bullet: a stupid and harmless joke.
What does a computer scientist do when someone tries to fight him?
He waves his arms like a space invader.
Are those tears real or are they like you? Fake.
Australia needs YOUR help!
ISIS brides are coming to Australia! They need to go back to where they came from. Help us before they blow us up like the terrorists they are!
Q. What do you call a baby with anencephaly? A. Anything you want, it's not like it's gonna answer you.
I love your hair today.
How did you get it to come out your nose like that?