Alike jokes
Fishing and girlfriends are exactly alike. There may be plenty of fish in the sea, but until I find one, I'm stuck here holding my rod.
How are Eggs Benedict and a blow job alike?
You can't get either one at home.
You call me ugly, but maybe that is why we look alike.
Why were Adam and Eve's sons so much alike? Because Cain was Abel minded!
Sleep and death are alike; it's just with death you don't wake up.
How are Stephen Hawking and Kaepernick so much alike? They both don’t stand for the national anthem.
You could say Japanese car fans and ancient Egyptians are alike—they both worship Datsun.
I had sex with twins. Well, I think it was twins. All my rage victims look alike.
How are infants and chocolate alike? They'll both kill your dog.
How are genders and twin towers alike? There used to be 2, but now it's a sensitive topic.
Why are a gun and a bag of chips alike?
You pull them out at school and everyone wants to be your friend.
What's small, has no dad, and looks like Bugs Bunny?
Ben after he trips over the giant curb!
How are Tinder and orphans alike?
You swipe left till you find the one you like.
How are a woman and a car alike? Put something in them and they'll both start.
Why are girls and rocks so alike?
If they're flat, they get skipped.
How are giants and strippers alike?
They both grind men's bones to make their bread.
Why are orphans and bananas so much alike? Because they both get split.
What do sharks and humans have alike? The great white one.
School and Boot Camp are a lot alike. The only difference is that in school, you don't have to get deployed to get shot at.
How are my sister‘s legs and peanut butter alike?\n\nThey’re both smooth and easy to spread.