Like jokes

John, I like your cut, G.

The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."

I like trains.

*train hits him*

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

Gwen be like: Oh, I hate akeld, he is mean.

Also Gwen: *Spams the N word and momma jokes*

Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because then they can play catch.

Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Because it looks like a g-nome.

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.

Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)

Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.

Why does Blake like lakes? Because of cake!

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.