Celebrity jokes
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests.
The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
Q: What did Britney say to Kevin when they were in bed?
A: "Hit me baby one more time."
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
I met Lebron James, and he was so bald at the time that I could count his hairs.
And that's 1 hair and maybe 2.
Why did Justin Bieber start playing hide and seek with his fans?
Because they keepped.
What is Gaten Matarazzo's favorite song?
"Dust in the Wind."
Stan JoJo Siwa.
Mrs. Kadie, I just heard about a FGTEEV video about vegan nuggets.
Duddy: Sup FGTEEVERS, me and James Marsden just got some Chick-fil-A.
Viewers: Got ya again Mrs. Kadie.
Mrs. Kadie: Vincent and James, I am going to push you off your roof.
Duddy and James: AHHHHHHH!
So when Kim Kardashian went into the ocean, the lifeguard said, "No plastic littering!"
Your hairline got pulled back. You look like you've been climbing Chris, and you got smacked up by Will Smith.
Zaine Davis and Stephen Hawking fuck each others brains out.
What do you call Snoop Dogg’s giant turd?
Poop Logg.
What happens when you hit Dwayne Johnson's butt? You hit rock bottom.
May our days be abundant, a dance of delight, May I navigate life with courage, taking flight. May our journey be a beauty, a blessing so sweet, May I celebrate friendships, where hearts and souls meet.
May our nights be bright, with laughter and cheer, May we live with love, eliminating every fear. May I grow in kindness, a serenade of grace, May our lives be a marvel, a splendid embrace.
What’s Whitney Houston’s favorite type of coordination? HAAAAND EEEEEEEEEYYYYEEE!
What’s better than Ted Danson? Ted singing and Danson!
What did the drummer call his twin daughters? Anna one, Anna two!
I bought some shoes from a drug dealer. I don’t know what he laced them with, but I was tripping all day!
What does a nosey pepper do? It gets jalapeño business!
Me: How do you celebrate Christmas?
Orphan: I don't know what you mean.
Me: There is no one to give a present.
Daddy, good morning, please, I want too, but Davido's second-hand towel is 2.5 million.
Your hairline is so bad even Ariana Grande stopped singing because of it.
Paul Walker started in 3 movies: Fast and Furious, Gone in 60 Seconds, To Die Hard.