Why did Michael Jackson rush to Walmart?
He heard boys' pants were half off!
An artist is commissioned to create a painting celebrating Soviet-Polish friendship, to be called "Lenin in Poland." When the painting is unveiled at the Kremlin, there is a gasp from the invited guests. The painting depicts Lenin's wife naked in bed with Leon Trotsky.
"But this is a travesty! Where is Lenin?" Asks one of the guests.
"Lenin is in Poland," replies the painter.
"Dad, how do stars die?" -- "Usually an overdose."
How did the orphan become famous? They said, "Go big or go home."
What's the difference between Chris Brown and Santa?
Santa stops at 3 hoes.
Why did Logan Paul go to the suicide forest?
To see who's hanging around.
What's the difference between a Catholic hospital and Michael Jackson's Children's Hospital?
No seriously, what is it?
What's the difference between Kelly Clarkson and a Florida real estate agent?
A Florida real estate agent screws over seniors, Kelly Clarkson screws little children.
What does Johnny Depp do when his kids are not home?
Cocaine.
What do Pink Floyd and Princess Diana have in common?
Their last big hit was the wall.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and an Aussie bloke in Bali?
Both are expert drunks, but the Aussie is 100 times better kept. Johnny Depp, in contrast, looks like a demented leader of a violent drug cartel.
People think Kelly Clarkson shops at Wal-Mart because she's a sloppy redneck. No, it's because toddlers' pants are 75% off everyday!
Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?
He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."
Amber Heard's Morning Routine
Wake Up. Eat Breakfast. Take a Shit. Get Out of Bed.
Donald Trump is proud of being white, which is strange, considering he's orange. Makes you wonder why he didn't pull a Michael Jackson and bleach his own skin....
During a phone call:
"Hey, is Michael Jackson in Miami with his manager?"
"Actually, he's off to Tampa with the kids."
How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.
I have MP3s on my computer that are older than Johnny Depp's new significant other.
What's the difference between Michael Jackson and a plastic bag? One's made of plastic and dangerous for kids to play with, and the other carries groceries.
How did they know that Princess Diana had dandruff?
They found her head and shoulders in the glove compartment...
