Like jokes

Hey, I just wanna be in bed. I just wanna stay ahead. I just feel like I am dead, And I like that color red. Hey, I am not the big fat loser, And you're just a big accuser, You user and excuser.

Say this to you sister, toxic BF, anyone :)

How can you tell a blonde likes you? She ducks you two nights in a row.

I like trains.

*train hits him*

The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."

Why is Pluto a dwarf planet?

Because it looks like a g-nome.

Why do Christmas trees like wheelchairs? Because they have kids.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

Gwen be like: Oh, I hate akeld, he is mean.

Also Gwen: *Spams the N word and momma jokes*

Hey, what are those things on your arms? They look like cuts. Wait, what? No, it's just marker. Nothing else...

Why do orphans like boomerangs?

Because then they can play catch.

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

Looks like he got stuck in a sticky situation.

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

If you don't like my spelling, Explain Bear, have you realized I'm a duck and you are a bear? I've got more internet power and meme power, so shut the duck up and get a life and stay off my property and the internet.

Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.

I went up to an orphan bully and I said, "Here, look, I made a website!"

The orphan likes it, but the kid says, "I forgot one feature, though... the home button."

Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.