Like jokes

You're like a vacuum cleaner. Why? Because you suck.

Alright, I'm gonna make like a tree and leaf.

*****You have to leave right after you tell this joke.****

Someone cutting the cheese then farted.

Someone sees the cheese, and it smelled like crap (literally). He said, "Who cut the cheese?"

So, I walked up to my grandma and I said, "What color would you be on a rainbow cupcake?" She just turned 61, ok, ok. So I'm like, "I got it, I got it, ok, ok." She's like: "Ok, what color?" I say: "Grey."

Bully: You're so short you hand-glide on a chip.

Short person: Well, at least I don’t look like a giraffe that just came out of an oven!

I was talking to a Muslim yesterday, and he asked me what it's like to be blind.

I happened to tell him about 20 jokes; in fact, I was working on my twentieth. So I answered with, "At least I don't have to screw in light bulbs. It's not like I need the damn things anyway."

I like men like I like money, always getting lost under my bed.

I like pepper.

My dad is like a unicorn.

He's never here. :c

Roses are red, violets are blue, that joke is old, just like you.

There's a girl I like in my school, but she's always on her phone. It seems that I can't get a SIGNAL from her.

What do you call a guy with a big dick that likes to eat fish?

Long John Silvers or Captain D's.

Why do dogs like skeletons?

Because they're boneheads.

Why do people in Alabama like peanut butter and jelly?

Because it's in bread.

What do 15-year-old boys and washing machines have in common?

They both like keeping one sock for themselves.

What's it like to have the best daughter in the world? You'll have to ask grandma!

Your mama's like a cardboard box: open to the public and easy to nail.

What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?

"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"

Why was the rapper so good at math?

Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!

When your girlfriend picks you up and decides to prank you by not wearing pants to a seafood restaurant:

Did you get seafood without me? It smells like fish.