Like jokes
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
What did the rapper say when he broke his mic?
"Looks like I dropped the mic... literally!"
BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.
Why do I f*** my mom?
Like father like son. #batabababa
Why was the rapper so good at math?
Because he could count bars like NOBODY’S BUSINESS!
My boyfriend always likes when I wear my fishnet sleeves. He says it looks great on me, but he doesn’t know that my skin is covered with scars... no one does. No one questions why I wear them everyday. I hope it stays like that because I can’t deal with my mom finding out that I still hurt myself.
How is the world like a box of crayons?
Nobody likes the white ones.
And a side note, it's multi colored.
"Rajesh get on bus, so many people, squeeze here squeeze there. He daydream about naughty stuff, like coffee spill but not coffee. Bus move, stop, he press close to pretty lady, she smell nice. Rajesh think how funny if something else spill, make whole bus ride wild." He laugh to self, bus ride never boring now!
If you are friendly on a game, should I will kill you in the game? You should say, "Will, if you did kill me, I will tell my more friendly to ban you from the game." The friendly should [ask], "What you got?" Friendly on the game [replies], "Jack, you are not my friendly, the all friendly you be ban, if you don't get it, will have fun." If you don't like the text, I am come for you. Ok, now like it, the end.
There were two friends talking one day. Tim tells John, "I think I'm gay."
John says to Tim, "What do you mean?"
Tim says, "When I grow up, I want to dress like a woman and sing karaoke in a bar and call myself (Gillette the best a man can get)!"
John says to Tim, "I think you're right, and thanks for reminding me I need to buy razors."
"Tibia" honestly, I think the reason I’m "bonely" is because you guys don’t find my jokes "humerus."
Maybe if I played the trombone it would get people’s attention, but "tibia" honest I can’t be bothered, so just look at my "BONE-zai" tree, although my brother doesn’t really like that one, so how about a "S-pine" tree?
The doctor said I have until 2:30 to live.
That’s like 20 years from now, I said.
He looks at the time. It’s 2:30.
Why do orphans like cows?
Because when they leave, they bring back the milk.
Why do police never put an orphan in prison? It's too much like a home.
When my family goes to weddings, my senior relatives tell me things like “You’re next!” So I started doing the same to them at funerals.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
Do you like In-N-Out?
Yes, why? In and out of your mouth.
Someone I know is an ant. I feel like a mountain to them.
Dark humor is like water, some people get it, some people don’t.
Your hairline looks like a brick wall.