Like jokes

You are so fat that Big Chungus looks like a small Chungus.

I don't understand why people hide under their blankets. It's not like the killer's gonna be like, "I'm gonna kill-....ahh man he's under his blanket."

My wife accused me of cheating. I told her she started to sound like my wife.

Love is like a fart. If you have to force it, it's probably shit.

What do cows like to watch? Moovies.

Why do the French eat snails?

They don’t like fast food!

A guy was annoyed in a store. I walk up to him and said, "What's wrong, buddy? Don't worry, it's not like you're on an abandoned isle!"

My girlfriend is like Toys R Us.

She does not exist.

Your dick is like a shotgun, one cock and you're ready to fire.

I like my women like my coffee—ground up and frozen.

Brother: Your eyebrows look hella bad.

Sister: I don’t even think you know what eyebrows are supposed to look like because you have none.

What do you call someone that looks like Stephen Hawkins and is a space head? Byron Davey.

An autistic woman walks into a bar. "A serving of Screaming Banshee, please," she says.

The bartender says, "Ok, you seem to like it, unlike a retired special ed teacher that passed through a few minutes ago."

You like bread toasted? That means you're roasted.

Like, and comment if you're single.

Roses are red, violets are blue, You make me pee like I drink tea, you make me go buzz, like becoming a fuzz.

It sticks in, but it goes to the bin, after its use, it will be reused, no it is not what your thinking its -~-(clay)-~-

Rapboat says he has a rap career. Wrap career more like, wrapping burgers at McDonald's.

My friend that used to be married was making jokes about me being short. Then I told him, "Your marriage was so short it made me look like Shaquille O'Neal."

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

Tim and Tom were at work. Tim said, "I'm sick of this. I'm going to act like an idiot to get sent home." So Tim was on the roof saying, "I am a light bulb!" The boss walked in and said, "Tim, go home, you're acting like a dick!" Then Tom started packing up and Tim said, "Tom, why are you packing up?" Tom says, "I can't work in the fucking dark, can I?"