Lifestyle jokes
Man, we all have the one cool sibling, then the strong sibling, and then you, the one who plays on their iPad or computer all day. Then, when you are on vacation, you are doing nothing at all.
Yo mama's so fat, her pad is a king-size mattress.
The cannibal says to the other cannibal, "I like it when humans fall from the sky because then they are meateor."
If girls are vegan, why do they suck dick?
Because all I do is pound it, man. I would put you on my "600 Pound Life" if you didn't weigh 1,000.
What's the difference between Elton John and rapboat?
Elton is talented, rich, and openly gay. Rapboat got fuck all talent, no money, and is not out of the closet yet.
What's an emo's favorite part about being dunked?
The hangover.
Motherhood is like a fairy tale, but in reverse. You start out in a beautiful ball gown and end up in stained rags cleaning up after little people.
Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."
What do you call a flat emo?
A cutting board.
I wish my grass was emo, so it would cut itself.
Math Teacher: "If I have 5 bottles in one hand and 6 in the other hand, what do I have?"
Student: "A drinking problem."
Why do emo kids drink only herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.
What would you rather be, emo or handicapped?
Trick question, emo is a handicap.
Why do emos cut their arms? Because they can't cut the rope.
What is the difference between a normal kid and an emo kid?
"I like ya cut G" means two different things.
A hobo couple is making out under a bridge.
The girlfriend goes: - Johnny, why is your dick so soft? - Flip me over, I’m trying to shit!
What's the difference between an emo and a prisoner?
The prisoner.
What do ya call an emo that's hung himself? Hangman.
What game do Emos play?
Fruit Ninja.
(Sorryyyyy Lmaoooo)