Lifestyle jokes
What’s a rapper’s favorite EXERCISE?
Flexin’.
Why do vegans use blowjobs?
Because they can’t take real meat.
Son: What's for dinner tonight?
Mom: Steak!
Son: Mom, you know I only eat veggies, so what's for me?
Mom: HUNGER!
Why do emos cut themselves?
To play noughts and crosses.
A kid just becomes an orphan, well, I guess it's better than being a hobo.
I heard there is a zozo hobo who eats all your Pringles.
You're so poor, you use the same toilet paper every time you take a poop!
Imagine going up to an emo and saying, "You're just like a spider, you're both good at hanging."
What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a pregnant emo girl?
The emo girl still bleeds.
Why was the emo mad?
The picture got hung, not her.
What kind of milk does a new age calf drink?
Dairy free.
Your mom is so fat, she wakes up on both sides of the bed.
I took my brother's vape, and now he is on the ground gasping for air. He acts like he is dying.
Why is the day you do laundry, cook, clean, iron, and so on called a day off?
We were so poor that every time I passed by a butcher shop, I thought there had been a horrible accident.
What is a gay man's favorite hobby?
Cockfighting.
Me and my brother talking about relationships.
Me: We live kind of differently.
Brother: We're sort of alike.
Me: We're not alike.
Brother, because he's taken: 'Cause you don't have a boyfriend!
My thoughts: You're right. 'Cause I have a girlfriend!
Amanda Bynes is a lush blond who has quickly become a blond lush.
I had to give up my vegetarian diet.
Turns out they're a lot harder to catch than cows.
Friend: How dark is your humor?
Me: .....it...
Friend: No
Me: *smiles* GETS BEAT BY THE MISTRESS AND GETS SCOLDED BY THE MASTER!!!
Friend: Why are you like this?
If two stoners get married, do they have joint assets?