An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ̈You look like a million pounds! ̈ The wife divorced him.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone
Location is in London by the way. One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money. His friend, "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
So I was on a discord call the other day and one of my friends American buddies joined and we had a conversation.
Until they say: when did pounds change to quid.
And I said: 'they're the exact same thing.'
Then they said:
"but when did it happen?"
So I said:
"when did school change to shooting range?"
What is the difference between a dog pound and an orphanage? In a dog pound, people actually want them.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise 80 pounds of skin and bone
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Me : Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds - Them : Your ugly - Me : Sorry I am not a mirror.
Your mother is so fast she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?" "Six pounds." "And shaving?" "Three pounds." "Good, then shave my head."
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds
This joke includes potentially sensitive content.
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time
When your mum sold you on eBay of £2 pound for girls stripper
