Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up my pillow was gone
What does a pedophile mostly pound on a piano?
A minor
Me : Hey, say I am ugly for a billion pounds - Them : Your ugly - Me : Sorry I am not a mirror.
When your mum sold you on eBay of £2 pound for girls stripper
What weighs 70 pounds and doesn't like sex?
The 6 year old in the trunk of my car.
An American woman married a British man. On their honeymoon, the British husband said, ̈You look like a million pounds! ̈ The wife divorced him.
What's the difference between an American 12-year-old and an African 12-year-old? About 40 pounds.
Location is in London by the way. One day a fatass came home and told his friend that he lost money. His friend, "Oh for once you lost some pounds!"
How much do 2000 pounds of Chinese noodles weigh? Won Ton.
Three dead bodies are delivered to the mortuary one day. Each of them has a great big smile on their face.
The coroner examines the bodies and then calls the police to tell them what has happened.
"First body: Frenchman, 60, died of heart failure while making love to his mistress. Hence the enormous smile, Inspector", says the coroner.
"Second body: Scotsman, 25, won a thousand pounds on the lottery, spent it all on whisky. Died of alcohol poisoning, hence the smile."
The inspector then asks, "What about the third body?"
"Ah," says the coroner, "This is the most unusual one. Billy-Bob the redneck from Oklahoma, 30, struck by lightning."
"Why is he smiling then?" asks the inspector.
"He thought he was having his picture taken."
Would love to pound Sterling with a 14lb hammer.
My son said that bully needs a pounding then i say Yeah right that is what i said and did to your mother.My son opens his mouth and freezes i guess he knew what i was talking about.
Beneath this monumental stone Lise 80 pounds of skin and bone
Your mother is so fast she got arrested for carrying 10 pounds of crack
A Scotsman at the hairdresser: "How much is a haircut?" "Six pounds." "And shaving?" "Three pounds." "Good, then shave my head."
What's the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
120 pounds
Yo mama was so fat that when she stepped on the scale the scale said: You gained another pound, nice going fatso, a few more ounces and you can qualify for your own zip code.
Once, there was a couple about to have sex. "I have something to confess," said the shy wife. The husband then said, "Whatever it is, I will still love." The wife then said "Honey, I flat chested. The husband said, "It's okay, I'm a baby down there anyways." He then pulled down his pants and began to have sex. The next day, the wife said "I thought you were a baby down there." The husband then said "I am; 22 inches and 7 pounds."...
If I had a genie grant me wishes, I wouldn't wish for a million pounds. I'd just wish that every time I buy something I just have the right amount of money in my pocket at the time
Yo mama so hairy that she got a haircut and lost 47 pounds.
