Law jokes

What does a kite and a criminal have in common?

They both get high.

Why did the robber take a shower before his robbery?

So he could make a clean getaway!

KK or Liv?

"Bippity Boppity Boop! Bill Cosby's coming for you!"

What did the ferret say after his family was questioned by police?

It's none of your business!

Why can't antelopes get married?

Because they can't elope.

What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?

A holy CUMmunion.

Wayne Couzens, the police officer who killed Sarah Everard, has been complaining about receiving a whole life tariff for her murder...

I think he should count his blessings. He could have had it worse...

He could have married her!

The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.

Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?

A. The little girl in my trunk.

I went to jail because I gave the orphan kid a calendar with 363 days.

(I deleted Mother's Day and Father's Day.)

What do a 14-year-old pregnant girl and the child inside her have in common?

Both are thinking, “Oh no! My mom’s gonna kill me!”

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?

A: Loli-pops.

What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?

My boner.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.

The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”

The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."

The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.