Law jokes
The school shooter when the cops show up be like:
"Ain't nothing gonna break my stride, ain't nothing gonna hold me down. Oh oh. I've got to keep on moving."
What is red, white, and blue all over?
A dead cop.
Have you ever been accused of a crime you didn't commit? Well, I have! I was wrongfully accused of larceny yesterday. I'm not smart enough for that, I just stole some stuff.
Why did the judge dismiss court when the orphan walked in?
Even a gay prison wouldn't want him.
Kid: *runs down the street* HELP ME!
Officer: You OK, kid?
Me: Don't worry! He's my nephew, there was a big spider.
Officer: Oh, OK, ma'am. *walks off*
When officer leaves:
Me: *gets whip* What did I say about leaving the basement?
What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?
The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.
What do you call an Asian that steals cars? Tommy toke a motor.
What did Jay Z say when he got pulled over?
"I got 99 problems but a bitch ain't one!"
What's the difference between a dog and a foster child?
A dog doesn't run to the police after you beat it.
Dishwasher rape is another word for marital obligations.
Why was 6 afraid of 7?
Because 7 was a registered *sex* offender.
Why can't antelopes get married?
Because they can't elope.
Is it sexual harassment if a midget walks by you and tells you that your hair smells nice?
Why did Yoda go to jail for rape?
He doesn't get consent; he just uses the force.
My boss said she would've loved to meet Bill Cosby as a child. I don't get why I'm getting arrested. I was just making sure his dream came true.
A cop pulls a guy over for suspected drunk driving. The cop opens the door and the driver falls out onto the asphalt. The cop says, "Holy shit, you're so drunk, you can't even walk!" The drunk says, "No shit, that's why I took my car!"
What did Santa Claus get Paris Hilton for Christmas?
He raped her.
These jokes are darker than the list of victims dead from cops.
If you’re bored, go punch an orphan. What are the parents gonna do?
What's young, red, and has hot PTSD?
Prince Andrew's victims.