Law jokes

What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?

The word "art."

How does the cop respond to being called racist?

He said, "How can I be racist? My wife's eyes [are] black."

When cops say you have the right to remain silent,

You're just happy you have the right to do something.

I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.

I decided to go home.

What’s a priest's favorite sport?

Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.

Why didn't Michael Jackson get away with messaging with kids? Because they were all juveniles.

What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?

They both come while you’re asleep.

My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.

What do you get when you cross a corrupt lawyer with a crooked politician?

Chelsea Clinton.

I just prevented a 10-year-old from getting assaulted.

Nothing much, I just decided to go home.

If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?

A: Loli-pops.

What’s the hardest part about f...ing toddlers?

My boner.

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

A man was about to go into the bar with his dog when he realized the sign said, “No pets allowed!” He was about to walk away when another guy walked up with his dog. The 2nd man put on dark shades and said, “Just pretend you're blind!” He walked in with his dog, got a drink, then left.

The 1st man did the same thing, but when he walked in, the bartender said, “You know your ‘guide dog’ is a chihuahua, right?”

The man said, “They gave me a damn Chihuahua?!”

So I was at high school one day in the bathrooms, and I'm circumcised, and the kid next to me wasn't, so he showed me his pp, and he had a foreskin, so I was just playing with it until the teacher walked in, then I got fired...

I went home and I saw my friend kissing my sister. I said, "What’s going on?" They both told me that they’re going out with each other. I said, "Alright."

The next morning, I see my friend kissing my mom. I said, "What’s going here?" They both told me they’re going out with each other. Then my friend said to me, "I gave you 3 gifts. 1 gift, I’m your best friend. 2 gift, I’m your new brother-in-law. 3 gift, I’m your new stepfather." I felt so happy I had a friend that [is] looking out for me.

Some guy was mad at his ex-wife! So he threw a bottle of alcohol into her house when he was drunk.

And realized when he was being questioned for arson, his cigarette was in the rim of the bottle.

Sending gay men to prison makes no sense to me. I mean, you have sex with a man and then they lock you up with a bunch of other men.

That would be like arresting someone for drunk driving and forcing them to become a bartender.

There was a family, the father's name was Mad, the mother is Brain, the brother's name is Nobody and the sister's name is Everybody.

One day, Nobody killed Everybody, and the father ran to the police's office and screamed, "NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODY!!!!!"

"Sir, are you okay?" The police asked.

"I said, NOBODY KILLED EVERYBODYYYYY!!!!!" The father yelled even louder.

"Are you mad?" The police asked.

"Yes, because my name is Mad!" The father exclaimed.

"Where's your brain?" Asked the police.

"At home because my wife name is Brain," the father said. The police fell down due to the confusion.