Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?
A. She didn't know how to swallow.
Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.
I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.
My cousin is a surgeon.
Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.
A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.
You need to be a complete dick.
If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?
What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?
They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.
So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.
A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?
Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.
"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"
Remember kids.
Killing an AISH worker is a victimless crime.
Rape is always unequivocally wrong.
Unless it's an AISH worker. Then you give her anal.
It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"
I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?
The time when Michael Jackson came in his pajamas during the trial. Whether or not it was because he saw a 7-year-old boy has yet to be determined.
What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
