New Law Jokes

Today I was asked if I was in favor of legalizing prostitution.

I admit I haven't given it much of a thot.

What is the legal term for shoplifting?

10 fingers discount.

If you are a student at law school, a law professor can charge you up to $98,998.00 for one semester.

If the law professor is very late and is not punctual to teach you anything about law in his class, should a law student be able to charge the law professor a certain amount of money for not being able to teach his class because he is off task and not being punctual? Is your time precious too?

If the law professor is Polish, now you know the reason why you should never go to a law school that has a "dumb polack" for a law professor.

Sorry for your luck; it sucks to be you!

It's good that Canada doesn't have the death sentence for treason anymore.

Danielle Smith is so fucking fat she'd get stuck in the gallows.

Why did Kamala Harris visit the library?

To check out some “law” books and maybe return a few skeletons.

I take back my comments on the United healthcare CEO.

Being poisoned by a nurse wouldn't be that bad of a way to die as long as the nurse diluted the potassium chloride first.

Q. Why couldn't Terri Schiavo give good blow jobs?

A. She didn't know how to swallow.

Here in Canada, you used to be able to be shipped off to an asylum just because you were gay.

I guess they couldn't tell the fruits from the nuts.

My cousin is a surgeon.

Last year he botched a surgery he was doing on a patient who happened to be gay. He's being sued for malpractice for turning a fruit into a vegetable.

A little known rule: You cannot be circumcised if you are running for political office in the US.

You need to be a complete dick.

If a lawyer gives birth to a stillborn baby, is it considered a miscarriage of justice?

What does a crooked lawyer who is not on the ACLU payroll have in common with a crooked politician who has an office in Washington, DC?

They both sign their names using a blue pen 🖊 🖊.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

A: What did the lawyer say to the amputee?

Q: You haven't got a leg to stand on.

"Can we at least give them one credit—for abiding the traffic laws?"

Remember kids.

Killing an AISH worker is a victimless crime.

Rape is always unequivocally wrong.

Unless it's an AISH worker. Then you give her anal.

It's not rape if you say "April Fools!"

I asked a black man on the street if a white person paints their face black, it’s considered racist, but if a black person paints their face white, will the cops treat them better?