What do you call an orphan with a gun?
(No) home shooter.
A man hit a woman with his car, who is wrong?
The man, because you can’t drive into the kitchen.
Santa decided coal was too expensive, so he started putting shredded lettuce and mayo in naughty kid's lockers... he calls it the coal's law.
What's the difference between Taco Bell and KFC?
KFC doesn't have Border Patrol agents surrounding all of its buildings right now.
Islamic pubs and bars are the worst.
You can't drink alcohol or dance.
Women can get stoned though, no questions asked.
If the government can print money,
Then why are we paying taxes?
What is the difference between the government and organized crime?
Only one of them is organized.
Why is prostitution illegal?
Because when it comes to screwing people and taking their money, the government doesn't want anyone outperforming them.
Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.
If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.
"Stupidity isn’t a crime, so you’re free to go."
If her age is on the timer, I don't care if she's a minor.
A disabled kid kept throwing up in class.
So I threw him out the window!
House parties are like churches: there's always an underage kid getting fucked somewhere.
Tons of people committed suicide on 9/11 by destroying government property.
Not to mention and by plane.
It’s OK if emo kids always hang from the trees, but if we do it, it’s considered against the law.
The woman was thinking she wanted to have sex, but one second later, she did it on the street with a criminal.
It's not incest if you're adopted.
Cop: "I'm arresting you for downloading the entire Wikipedia."
Man: "Wait! I can explain everything!"
Someone complimented my parking today! They left a sweet note on my windshield that said, “Parking fine.”
Have you ever thought about the fact that every market in Africa is a black market?
