Court

Court Jokes

Luggage

I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.

  • 4
  • Law

    A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.

  • 3
  • Donald Trump

    Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!

    Your move, Ron DeSantis.

    Orphan

    A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."

    Friend

    Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.

    Johnny Depp

    What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.

    Thief

    Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.

    Family

    Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"

    Son: "Nah, mostly men."

    Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"

    Punishment

    A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"

    A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"

    The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."

    The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"

    Pedophile

    Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?

    - He robbed children of their innocence.

    Depression

    What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?

    A DEPPression.

    (If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).

    Rape

    I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"

    Peter

    Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?

    Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.

    Orphan

    Why do orphans play a lot of tennis?

    Cause that's the only way they get love.