Court jokes
The judge asked me, "How does 5 to 10 years sound?"
I said, "Sexy."
I tried to sue the airport for misplacing my luggage. -- I lost my case.
A prisoner was told how he'll be executed. Needless to say, he was shocked.
A boy is about to be sentenced for killing his parents. He begs the judge to spare his life. The judge asks for one good reason he should be shown any mercy. The boy replies, "I’m an orphan, your honor."
Donald Trump is proudly anti-woke. He has been falling asleep in his court cases every morning!
Your move, Ron DeSantis.
What do you call two Mexicans playing basketball?
Juan on juan.
Friends call me crack miser, whatever I snort. My brain starts to distort! I'll be in court.
I tried to sue the airline for losing my luggage.
I lost my case.
What's the difference between Johnny Depp and Eminem? Eminem was never proven to beat his wife in court, but Johnny Depp was.
Why is the thief so good at basketball? Because he can shoot, steal, and run.
Have you heard about the pedophile who was found guilty of robbery?
- He robbed children of their innocence.
Dad: "Son, does mommy like having lady-friends over?"
Son: "Nah, mostly men."
Dad: "Do you think you'd be comfortable telling that to a judge in court?"
I was wondering why the basketball was getting bigger. Then it hit me.
A man was in a courtroom. The judge said, "What should this man's punishment be?"
A random guy yelled, "Off with his head!"
The judge said, "He shall give head to every man in this room."
The guy yelled, "Wait, that's not what I said!"
What do you call Amber Heard crying during the lawsuit?
A DEPPression.
(If you are a fan of either Johnny Depp or Amber Heard, you might get the joke).
What is Stephen Hawking best at in basketball?
dribbling.
I told the judge I thought she was unconscious before she woke up crying. The judge asked: "Why didn't you drug her again so she would forget?"
Did you hear about the deaf man who got a ticket?
It's OK, he didn't either!
A guy is on trial for leading a mob to gang rape a woman he'd taken out for a date. His defense is that he was helping her live out a fantasy.
The DA is furious and asks him WTF gave him that idea. He said, "After the date I took her back to her house, pulled out my dick, and tried to hand it to her. She told me, 'You've gotta be fucking kidding me. Seriously, go get some help!'"
Who do you want on your basketball team in heaven?
Peter. He can deny Jesus three times.