Attorney jokes
Sign on my attorney's office wall: "You can't have manslaughter without laughter."
Mickey Mouse is speaking with a divorce attorney...
...and the attorney says, "I'm sorry Mickey, I've gone over all of Minnie's medical history and I find no evidence of mental illness."
To which Mickey replies, "I didn't say she's crazy! I said she's fucking Goofy!"
What is a briefcase?
A short lawsuit.
What does a gorilla attorney study?
The law of the jungle.
What do lawyers wear to court?
Lawsuits.
Why is it painful to have your attorney with you in the hospital?
The damages are severe.
What do you call the only Trump Supporter to follow his orders to obstruct justice?
Answer: Attorney General William Barr!
So I meet with a therapist on a weekly basis. We talk about my depression and how it's been getting worse. Recently, I've been advised about my condition, and how I've been discussing with her about being suicidal. She's been very helpful throughout it. I was even told I can pay in advance from now on, so I don't have to worry about it later.
You find yourself stuck in a hole with a murderer, a rapist, and a lawyer. You're armed, but you only have 2 bullets left. What do you do?
Shoot the lawyer. Twice.
JFK was one of the most open-minded presidents. It really blows my mind how great he was.
A friend of mine just got divorced. He and his ex-wife split the house. He got the outside.
Why do lawyers use Viagra? To grow taller.