Domestic abuse jokes

You know you have a domestic abuse problem when you beat your dick.

What do you do if your dishwasher stops working?

Punch her in the face and remind her of her duties.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?

She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles.

How did Rihanna know that Chris Brown was cheating on her? There was a different color of lipstick on his knuckles.

Today, I spotted Johnny Depp on the clearance rack at Kmart. Kmart is currently trying to clear its inventory of wife-beaters.

How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her? She found another woman's lipstick on his knuckles.

What did Chris Brown say when he saw Rihanna?

"I'd hit that."

My wife wanted to make a joke about domestic abuse, but I beat her to it.

Why do lesbians have the highest rate of domestic violence?

Because women are emotional and full of drama.

What does a beaten woman do when she comes home from the hospital?

Dishes if she knows what's good for her health.

Why is Kyle Rittenhouse the Ultimate Crime Fighter?

Because in one night he killed a pedophile and a domestic abuser.

My wife said she wanted to leave me. She said it’s because of the abuse, but really, she’s the one abusing herself by drinking alcohol and got poisoning the next day. This shows almost half of the woman’s population is weak both physically and mentally.

My Dad keeps beating me and my mom. Please call the police. My name is Jacob Upchurch.

What do you tell a woman with two black eyes? Nothing. You already done told her twice.

What's the difference between my dad and my stepdad?

My stepdad beat my ass before he left.