Law jokes

What do a bullet and a police officer have in common?

When a bullet kills someone, it gets fired.

Q: What's a pedophile's favorite type of candy?

A: Loli-pops.

Two hunters are walking in the forest together. Hunter #2 flops down, unconscious, and Hunter #1 dials 911.

Operator: "911, what's your emergency?"

Hunter no. 1: "The other hunter, hunting with me in the woods, fell asleep."

Operator: "Check if he's/she's (not assuming genders) dead."

*Operator hears a distant gunshot*

Hunter no. 1: "What do I do next?"

Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.

What is the difference between a hoe's birth Daddy and her pimp Daddy?

The first daddy plants the seed in a cunt, and the second reaps the harvest from the cunt.

I went to my local shooting range today but was surprised to see that the news reported a school shooting there. I still don't know who snitched...

Did you hear about the two burglars that stole a calendar?

I hear they got six months each.

Stephen Hawking got an engine swap with a Nissan 350Z, and they said his wheelchair wasn't street legal :/

There's only one gender. Women are property.

A woman ran into a police station screaming, "Help, I have been graped!" The policeman said, "Do you mean raped?" The woman said, "No, there was a bunch of them!"

Alvin and the Chipmunks commit war crimes.

So... here's da scoop, alright... *licks KFC off lips* so, I was caught having sex wit three 6 year olds (girls btw, just in case you guys get mad) and da judge told me I was getting da death penalty, you know what I mean?

I had a last resort to save myself though, you feel me? So I told da judge, I said to him, I said: "Yo honah, 6 + 6 + 6 = 18, you smell me?"

Needless to say, I was announced a fre-e-e-e-e-e-e man after dat, you feel me?

But then, the Predator Poachers nigckas just barged into the courtroom and they said: 4 + 4 + 5 = 13!

Alas, I'm writing this joke from jail, and judging by the look my prisonmate Tyrone is giving me, I'll be writing jokes from hell from now on.

What is the reason for why women never look to the right?

Because they don't have any rights.

Why was 6 scared of 7? Because 7 was a unregistered six offender.

Why can't orphans get five stars in GTA?

Because they're not wanted.

I must have raped a woman in a skip. She said she felt rubbish.

A man in Saudi Arabia was caught stealing hand sanitiser.

The silver lining for him is that he will not need hand sanitiser anymore!

Why do orphans play GTA?

To make them feel wanted.

How do get a nun pregnant? Fuck her!

If you unironically think someone who killed themselves should have their body in jail, you are honestly such a fucking embarrassment to humanity.