Law jokes
What kind of file turns a 15mm hole into a 40mm hole?
A pedophile.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home.
The details are SKETCHY! :)
What do Colorado and Saudi Arabia have in common?
It's legal to get stoned.
What did Bob the police officer say to his chest?
"You're under a vest."
I killed a homeless dude, now he's at funeral home 😭💔
What's the smartest crime?
3rd degree murder.
I tried to pull (his/her) leg at the comedy club, but got arrested for sexual harassment. Does that still count as a joke? 🤣
How do you stop a rape victim from speaking out?
Marry her.
If you get a divorce with your husband, does that still mean you’re siblings?
The doctor gave his patient 1 day of life, so he shot him. Then the judge gave him 15 years, so there you go, problem solved.
I was walking by a prison when I saw a midget in an orange jumpsuit climbing down the fence. When he hit the ground and sneered at me, I said, “Well, that’s a little condescending.”
I guess making 9/11 jokes at the airport is better than shouting "He's got a gun!" at the airport.
Why did the rapper go to school?
To improve his rap sheet!
You and your mom.
What's a convict's favorite chore?
Weeding.
101 pedo jokes.
Why's everything x2, need to get this shit dick off before the coppers come, it's called women taking advantage, you'll shit the bitcoin, 90% percent of pedo's who don't admit they're like kids blame the police, shit your kappas, you only want my veins why don't you inject me with smack, run in with ya black armbands, I've been sized for a million pound, stop giving me strain asking questions, I know what's going to happen next, bet the judge is a women, jealous coz your drink tastes like shit?
Is it coz your shit though? How many bids have you done? Shit 1 million views, don't try bribe me, did the police give me snip? How's my barbie doll or shall I say my little pony? The police beat fuck outta me, what's all these needle marks on my arm, I can tell you want something, why's everything like one big cycle, police own the dark web.
Keep it going on lol.
Why can't bugs drive... because they don't have a LICE-ens...
BA-DUM CHHH!
So Johnny Depp made an appearance on the MTV Video Music Awards as an astronaut. It really looks like he wants to be the new Elon Musk, whatever career path is most viable for Depp. I got to admit, if launching crystal meth into your nostrils and your anus is as viable as launching rockets to Mars, Johnny Depp would surpass Elon Musk in net worth.
Then again, the money Depp spends on alcohol each month, he could have bought all of Michael Bloomberg's penthouses in Manhattan. Sure sounds like he also shares the same financial advisor as Donald Trump, who thought it was a magnificent idea to launch Trump Airlines and Trump Ice. He already shares the same pro-Kremlin lawyer, by the way.
Q: How are Clocks like Pedophiles? A: They both stop at 12.
Why did the Drill Sergeant get in trouble?
He got caught playing with his Privates!