Law jokes

Why couldn't an eagle do a barrel roll? It's oblivious, it's il-eagle.

How old do you have to be to drink? Any age.

For someone to be stealing a bag of gold in Heaven, [they are] a criminal on Earth and [in] Heaven.

Why do orphans have criminal records?

So they can be wanted.

What's the difference between a glass of chocolate milk and a toddler?

The thing is, I wasn't arrested for throwing a glass of chocolate milk against the wall.

You call it a school shooting.

I call it an unfair shootout.

I'm going to burn Braden Mitchell Kniffen's house down.

Good Lord, any tips on how to kidnap children? I say, "Free candy," and they run.

I ran into a kid today. Now I'm in jail and I lost my driver's license.

Why do orphans like being criminals?

Because then someone actually wants them.

Bye, I'm Paul Badman. Did you know that you don't have rights? The Articles of Confederation say you don't, and so do I. I believe that until proven innocent, every woman, man, and adult in this country is guilty. And that's why I don't fight for you, Santa Fe!

The doctor said I had two years to live, so I shot him. The warden gave me 50. Problem solved!

Why was six afraid of seven?

Seven was a registered six offender.

If you kill a killer, the same amount of killers in the room stays the same.

My grandpa has the heart of a lion,

and a lifetime ban from the zoo.

Why did the painting go to jail? Because it was framed!

I have to say that Halloween is my favorite day...

Every time they see me, kids and mothers run away...

I don’t have a costume so please don’t reprimand...

When I open up the door, I’ve got my penis in my hand.

Someone complimented me on my driving last week. They left a note saying, "Parking Fine!"

You have been accused of stealing toilet rolls. How do you plead?

Guilty or not guilty?

I got banned from the library because I put the woman's rights book in the fiction section.