Law jokes
"Officer, don’t arrest me, she said she was 5 in dog years!"
What do you call a nut that screws and then bolts?
An escapee from a mental hospital.
Q. What’s black and blue and doesn’t like to have sex?
A. The little girl in my trunk.
Judge to the defendant: "Defendant, do you have a criminal record?"
"No."
"Have you always been honest?"
"No, never been caught!"
What do you call a paraplegic cannibal?
"Dine and dash."
Why did the kid cross the road?
He wasn't wearing his seatbelt.
Why does the Please Touch Museum sound like "police touch museum?"
Because they gotta watch out for the pedos.
Your mama's so young your dad went to jail.
You are so ugly when your mum dropped you off at school, she got fined for littering.
I find it interesting that if you rearrange the letters in the word “Mother-in-law” you get the words “Woman Hitler”.
I taped a picture of Bill Cosby to my gun, now it's an assault rifle.
I just prevented an 11-year-old from getting assaulted.
I decided to go home.
What’s a priest's favorite sport?
Golf, because most of the holes are less than 18.
A failed marriage is like an Avengers movie.
First someone snaps, then half your stuff is gone.
What does Santa Claus and Bill Cosby have in common?
They both come while you’re asleep.
My friends in my friend group say that I am quiet and I don't do anything bad. I proved them wrong by murdering the leader of it.
If a pregnant lady murders someone, does the child get an assist?
What is the difference between Bill Cosby and a rap artist?
The word "art."
The police gave you a fine for not fixing your ugly hairline.
What do you call a priest meeting his illegal children?
A holy CUMmunion.