Last jokes
Do you remember what Bruce Willis' last movies were?
Neither does he.
You have Chinged your last Chong.
What's the only thing that doesn't change in Alabama?
The last names after marriage!
MISSING!! MISSING!! ⚠️⚠️
Name: Kylian Fraudbappe Missing: 28/6/2021 vs Switzerland Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parc des Princes, Paris.
Last seen: Manuel Akanji’s back pocket.
So, a mom and a dad are having sex. Their daughter comes down and says, "Mommy, Mommy, what are you doing?"
The mom goes, "Uh, we're making a cake. Let's go back to bed." So she tucks her daughter in and says, "We will go to the park tomorrow."
So the next day they go to the park, and two teens are going at it in some bushes, and the little girl goes, "Mommy, Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."
So they go home, and the mom tucked her into bed and says, "Tomorrow we will go to the zoo." And so the next day they go to the zoo, and two monkeys are going at it, and the girl goes, "Mommy, what are they doing?" And the mom goes, "They're making a cake. Let's go back home."
And so they go home, and the girl goes, "Mommy, did you and Daddy make a cake last night?" And the mom nervously says, "N-no, why?" And the little girl goes, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."
This isn't an orphan joke, but I got a job at a library, but it only lasted 15 minutes. Turns out, books about women’s rights shouldn’t go in the Sci-Fi / Fantasy section.
Thanks Ethan for all you've done. We've both made mistakes when all is said and done, but just thanks for being a good friend. This is officially my last post on here, Ethan-Real 1.
Last night I had a dream of lead, but your mom won't let me tell you.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
You guys, this is my last time publishing something here. You guys have been sending rude comments, and I need to work on my mental health. Goodbye.
Your hairline goes even further back than the last time your parents said "I love you."
Stephen Hawking's last words were, "Ethernet cable not detected, shutting down."
The last thing the victims were thinking was, "Is there 9 or 11 stories?"
A man is on his death sentence, and he gets to choose his last meal.
He asks his guard for a McDonald's Ice Cream, and lives a very long life. They never found a working machine.
What were the astronauts' last words before the shuttle blew up?
"What does this button do...?"
Mia’s mother has 5 kids: Lilly, Abby, Alexa, Mila, and.... Q: Who is last? A: Mia.
Knock, knock. Who’s there? Little old lady. Little old lady who? Little old lady, you don’t need to yodel about it!
What was the last thing Kurt Cobain said?
"Pop Goes the Weasel."
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
I still remember my dad's last words: "Don't worry son, Allah will be pleased."
Saint Nicholas is the patron saint of working girls. Call girls. Hookers. Prostitutes. And the association is a long one, going back to the very earliest legends which place St. Nick as a Greek bishop in Myra, Lycia in what is now the Turkish Mediterranean - three centuries after Christ.
Saint Nicholas is notable primarily for giving secretly to the poor, and supposedly the first to benefit were three young ladies whose poor father couldn't afford wedding or dowry to marry them off - destining them instead to a life of prostitution. St. Nick supposedly threw a bag of gold through the window to pay for the wedding but, by the third attempt, the poor father was watching to determine the identity of the anonymous benefactor. Santa outsmarted him by dropping the last bag of coins down the chimney.
So, whenever you see Santa, he always travels with his three favourite sex workers - who seemingly never grow old. On a quiet, still Christmas night you can even hear him call them.
Ho! Ho! Ho! And to all a good night.