Last Jokes

The last words my Dad spoke before he passed was, "Honey put down the knife we were only talking about getting a divorce."

Jesus and his friend went fishing they both cast the line out and both of them get a bite but Jesus's friend misses and says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's a bad sentence to say if you say it 3 time something bad will happen to you" they cast it out again and both get a bite and Jesus's friend misses again and says "damn I missed" jesus replied "if you say that one more time something bad will happen" they cast out again and Jesus's friends line snaps and he says "damn I missed" jesus said "that's the last time something bad will happen" the biggest thunder storm ever seen appeared and a lightning bolt struck jesus and a voice came from the clouds "damn I missed"

Q: What was the name of Michael Jackson's last book? A: The ins and outs of child rearing.

This joke includes potentially sensitive content.

doctor: you need to eat healthy

me: no

doctor: the last patient who didn't change their diet after i suggested it died

me: oh my goodness

doctor: in a plane crash

me: that sounds unrelated

doctor: i'm the one that crashed it. do not disobey me

what is the fastest land animal? the last chicken in a Kenyan village

Kid 1: "Hey, I bet you're still a virgin." Kid 2: "Yeah, I was a virgin until last night ." Kid 1: "As if." Kid 2: "Yeah, just ask your sister." Kid 1: "I don't have a sister." Kid 2: "You will in about nine months."

I’ll never forget my Granddad’s last words to me just before he died. “Are you still holding the ladder?”

I'll Never Forget My Grandfathers Last Words "STOP SHAKING THE LADDER YOU LITTLE CUNT!"

The last joke about the dad was a joke. Don't take it seriously. Can't believe that people actually think that was true

Got a job at the library yesterday... It lasted fifteen minutes... Turns out books about women's rights don't belong in the fiction section

I never forget my grandpa’s last words Are you still holding the ladder?

My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes. I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."

i saw a cuban prisoner i asked why are you running from the cops he said IM FREE AT LAST.

Last time i talked to my girlfriend, she was yelling at me to put the hammer down.

Last Night I had a dream I was swimming in lemonade... turns out I peed the bed.

Today is the day of 9/11 and we were in class making jokes and somebody said that’s sad and I was like why and they said “ today is the day the towers went down” and I said just like I did on you mum last night