Last jokes
Mr. Beast challenge in Memphis be like: last one to survive the shooting wins 1 million dollars.
A guy is sitting in a bar, feeling sad. "What's the matter?" asks the bartender.
"My paternal uncle died three months ago."
"Wow! No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me a third of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My maternal uncle died two months ago."
"Two uncles in two months? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that either. He left me half of his estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
"My father died last month."
"Your dad too? No wonder you're sad!"
"It's not that. He left me his entire estate."
"Then what's the matter?"
With a massive sob, the guy says, "None of my relatives died this month!"
Last words of the mayor of Hiroshima: “What the fuck was that noise?”
The other day I commented a dark humor joke on a post about a guy who lost his best friend. The joke was “I was so drunk last night I threw a mushroom at a midget and said ‘grow mario grow.’” He commented “What the hell is wrong with you?” and I said “IKR I really gotta work on my alcoholic issues.”
He then replied “This is a post about my dead best friend get the fuck off my feed I don’t even know you.” And so I said “Well then get to know me, I could become your new best friend!”
What was the last thing that went through JFK's mind? A bullet.
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
The best night of my life was when I gave my virginity to my wife, and her last word was when she called me "Mommy" at the top of her lungs before I knocked her up 😍.
Q: Why is Japan the healthiest country?
A: Last time they had a fat man, 80,000 people died.
My mum told me to stop telling the suicidal jokes.
I replied with: "Don't worry, suicide would be the last thing I'd do."
Her last name starts with "A" and ends with "D," and the middle letters are "P-O-O."
F1, F2, F3, do you know what’s after F3?
- F4, F U, then last F U Q.
There was a man. He took a right. He took another right. He took a last right. Why did he stop?
This website is darker than the kid that got arrested last week.
What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?
My last if she knows what's good for her.
They say if Viagra lasts more than four hours, call the doctor? I’m just wondering, it’s been six hours and I’m still hard, should I call the doctor or hop on another woman?
What was the last thing that went through the 9/11 jumpers' heads?
Their ankles.
Yo mama so fat, the last time she 90210 was on a scale.
Why can't black people have nightmares? Cause we shot the last one that had a dream.
What is the last thing you wanna see during a prostate exam?
The doctor taking off his watch.
What were the Fortnite kid's last words? "I didn't know pumps are back in the game!"