Kill jokes
I tried to fight a razor. It cut me so deep I thought I would die.
Turns out he didn't kill me. I was never happy, but that shit made me angry.
Why did the pencil want to kill himself?
He had no point in life.
Why did the math book kill itself?
It had too many problems.
Don't commit suicide, that stuff kills you.
The depressed kid walked into the counselor's office.
"I'm feeling like killing myself," he said.
"Oh no! Don't worry, sweetie, just hang in there!," the counselor responded.
How do you kill a retard?
Give them a knife and say, "Who's special?"
A blonde accidentally kills a cop and calls the police.
She exclaims, “Hello, is this 911?”
The other person, “Yes, what is your emergency?”
The blonde answered, “I called to inform you that you’re 910 now.”
What do you call a serial killer that only kills fat people?
A mass murderer.
How much drugs did Charlie Sheen take?
Enough to kill two and a half men.
What is the real reason why men jack off? They just enjoy killing kids.
What did the Japanese man say to his friend after he killed somebody?
"That is very Wong."
The farmers were playing chess, and the winner shouted and said: "I killed your horse!"
The second quickly left, and when he returned he said: "We have poisoned all your cows!"
- Sometimes I feel like killing myself...
- But?
- ...
Yo mama so fat, she was the asteroid that killed the dinos.
Guns don't kill people, black people kill people.
How do you make a mime cry?
You kill his family right in front of his stupid face.
1273 please kill me, everyone hates me.
If you ever think no one cares about you,
kill someone, then the news will.
My father always used to say:
"What doesn’t kill you makes you stronger."
Until the accident.
Do you know the best thing about killing a hooker?
Not only do you get your money back, but the second hour is free.