BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
BlessedBrian's family reunions must be like a casting call for the Addams Family.
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM.
Blessed Brian, your secrets are safe with me... because I wasn’t listening when you told them.
BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a joke every day of the year.
If brains were dynamite, BLESSEDBRIAN wouldn't have enough to blow his nose.
I'm surprised BLESSEDBRIAN can fit through the door, considering how INFLATED his ego is.
If BlessedBrian were any more two-faced, he’d be a Rubik’s Cube.
BlessedBrian is always stupid, but he’s been making a SPECIAL EFFORT recently.
I'd call BlessedBrian a tool, but at least a tool serves a purpose.
If BlessedBrian were ANY LESS intelligent, he’d have to be WATERED twice a week.
BlessedBrian's face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I'M around.
It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity.
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN'S JOKES are the disease.
I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID, but it REALLY works!
BLESSEDBRIAN is the reason they invented the mute button.
I've seen more depth in a kiddie pool than in BLESSEDBRIAN’s jokes.
I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it.
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an apology.
