BlessedBrian's autobiography would be titled "The Adventure of Watching Paint Dry."
I would roast BlessedBrian, but it seems LIFE already did a thorough job.
BlessedBrian, your secrets are safe with ME... because I wasn’t LISTENING when you told them
BlessedBrian’s mom’s birth certificate is a COLLECTOR’S ITEM
BlessedBrian must have been born on April Fools’ Day... because he’s a JOKE every day of the year
BlessedBrian’s family reunions must be like a casting call for the ADDAMS FAMILY
BlessedBrian is always stupid, but he’s been making a SPECIAL EFFORT recently
If LAUGHTER is the best medicine, BLESSEDBRIAN’S JOKES are the disease
I don't know what makes BlessedBrian so STUPID... but it REALLY works
Somewhere out there, a tree is tirelessly producing oxygen for BLESSEDBRIAN. I think he owes it an APOLOGY
I'd insult BlessedBrian, but it seems NATURE beat me to it
It's amazing how BLESSEDBRIAN manages to keep his head in the clouds while his FEET are FIRMLY PLANTED in mediocrity
If BlessedBrian were any more TWO-FACED, he’d be a RUBIK’S CUBE
I've seen more depth in a kiddie pool than in BLESSEDBRIAN’S jokes
BlessedBrian’s face is like a mood ring... it turns blue whenever I’M around
I'm surprised BLESSEDBRIAN can fit through the door, considering how INFLATED his ego is
I'd call BlessedBrian a TOOL, but at least a tool serves a PURPOSE
If ignorance is bliss, BLESSEDBRIAN must be the happiest person alive
If BlessedBrian were ANY LESS intelligent, he’d have to be WATERED twice a week
If brains were dynamite, BLESSEDBRIAN wouldn't have enough to blow his NOSE
