Kill jokes
Me: brags about my 30 kill streak.
The jury: O.o
Imagine failing to commit suicide; you might as well go kill yourself.
What kills you?
Suicide.
How do you kill a Hindu? PRESS THE RED BUTTON.
Your hairline is so far back that it killed the dinosaurs.
Why can't you run with a pencil in the hallway? Because too many people got killed!
How many innocent succulents have been brutally killed by people trying to cure their depression?
Kill yourself in anyway. I'm doing it the HIGHway.
Depressed procrastinators feel like they wanna kill themselves sometime soon.
All these suicide jokes are f***ing killing me.
How do you know the hooker killed herself?
She sniffed the line off the dresser you said not to touch.
The suicide hotline didn't even give me advice on how to kill myself. Not helpful at all.
Why did the depressed person rob a bank? Because you're not killing yourself if a cop does it for you!
Me: Kills the boss and takes his loot.
Everyone else in the office: 😱
So, there was a male whale and a female whale swimming through the ocean. One day the male whale sees a ship and says, "That's the ship that killed my parents!" So they go to the ship and blow the ship over and throw the men overboard into the sea.
The male whale sees the man who killed his parents and he was still alive, so he opened his mouth and went for the man, but out of nowhere the female whale yells, "Hey!! I was in it for the blowjob, but I'm not gonna eat seamen!"
One day, a class of children were killed in a bus accident, but only some survived. One was praying that he would survive, and the other said, "First time?"
Ya make 10 paintings, you aren't an artist.
Ya make 20 meals, you aren't a chef.
But when I kill ONE PERSON, I'm a "horrible person" and a "menace to society."
Lemme just say one thing:
Depression is not funny. Two of my best friends have it, and it's actually quite hard to watch them suffer with it. They cry all the time, they get upset all the time, they either have wanted to or still do want to kill themselves. It's really not funny to joke about depression.
One time I killed Sam, Stan, and Gran on Roblox, and she was really mad.
Hi guys, jokes for sister.
So I was listening to a song about "I hate you, are annoying, sister. I'm small and I'm smart," and when I showed it to her, she killed me, and later I was dancing and crying.